The 342nd Billboard Music Awards have just finished for another year at the MGM Ariana Grand in Las Vegas.
Ken Doll Jenner has confirmed what we’ve long suspected, that she is “the worst reader, you guys!” lol tee hee; Lorde tried out a new #stronglook involving some high concept millinery and Michael Jackson’s undead spirit was exhumed as penance for some almost inexpiable wrongdoing, like that song he just released with Justin Timberlake.
Because you’re evidently paying the minimum amount of attention required to complete whatever task it is that you should be doing at this point in time [filing your weekly reports; reading a book on the commute home; operating heavy machinery, like a car] here’s a fun quiz you can take to wile away the hours until your inevitable death, or dinner.
Whichever comes first.
WHICH BILLBOARD MUSIC AWARDS RED CARPET MOMENT ARE YOU?
1. FINISH THIS SENTENCE:
Kidding. This isn’t a quiz.
Kesha Rose Sebert has made what I think is her first public appearance since checking out of rehabilitation and unceremoniously parting with the dollar dollar bill, y’all, that once defined her and her ambitions. She’s wearing a gauzy Rorschach fishtail gown totally at odds with the event’s dress code, which is definitely written with dollar signs in lieu of letters. She looks fresh to death.
Welcome back, bb!
Watching a show on cereal factories. I have always been obsessed with food factories and now I have narrowed that down to cereal factories.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 17, 2014
this is what I do in Vegas BAYYYYBEEEE #cereal #factory #shows #cerealfactoryshows
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 17, 2014
Chrissy Teigen got bangs! She’s wearing The Iron Throne.
I have always been obsessed with her and now I have narrowed that down to her Tweets. This is what I do for a job BAYYYYBEEEE #bangs #obsessed #FyodorGolan
Ersatz Mila Kunis impersonator Sarah Hyland looks pretty fkn cute in a Pucci twinset and a sassy substitute English teacher ‘do. Fun!
Ariana Grande’s Dang Fuckin’ Weave called, Jenny. Her BBMAs performance of ‘Problem feat. Iggy Azalea’ is over and you need to Pick. It. Up.
More like ‘one more Problem with ya weave‘.
Look, I know what you’re thinking. Let’s just get it out of the way.
Kelly Rowland’s wedding ring is huge.
I for one would like to congratulate Matthew Hicks for parlaying his tenuous resemblance to Prince Harry into a starring role in a reality television show and a small to moderate appearance fee for appearing at the prestigious Billboard Music Awards. That takes some serious nous and zero self-awareness. You get yours, Matthew Hicks!
Nicki Minaj again opts for a subdued McQueen cleavage cage, a wee bit of underboob and a severe frown that speaks depths of a soul in serious peril.
For real though, Shakira looks pretty great in this body con Mystique situation and hair from the movie Frozen. Si, this is where your tangled headphone wires go when they die.
Iggy Azalea also goes off dress code in a faaa-ntastic Zuhair Murad lace cranberry cleanse curtain. Good luck getting a ‘Fancy’ pun out of me.
2Chainz can’t even stick to his eponymous personal branding statement in one chain on his neck and four on his feet, smdh.
It’s called Fashion.
Look it up, you fucking amateurs.
Guys, I’m the worst human!
Photos: Frazer Harrison, Robyn Beck via Getty
