Takeaways from Beyonce’s 2013 Mrs. Carter Australian Tour

Please understand, we are most certainly still incredibly high on Beyoncé fumes and are now part of a greater (smug) community who can say that they experienced The Mrs. Carter Show World Tour in the year 2013 so, do take what we say with a grain of Bey-infused salt.

In an attempt to sort through our feels, we put together a list of some our takeaways from the show including, but in no way limited to, a desire to have her hair on our heads:

It’s all about that air circulation.

If you want your hair to look like a wavy dream, do as Beyoncé does and encircle yourself with multiple high-powered fans at all times.

Can you even?

Photographed by Rob Hoffman.

This guy certainly cannot even.

Iggy Azalea has real stage presence.

Bey’s AWOL support act Iggy Azalea actually turned up for the final leg of the Sydney tour, relieving her far less zeitgeisty substitute (Stan Walker) of pinch-hitting duties. Iggy has undeniable charisma; so much so I was only half-conscious of the fact her repertoire sounds incredibly same-y – and the fact she was rapping over the top of her vocal track the entire time. I think this means she’s an entertaining performer?

All the crotch shots and booty drops were totally gratuitous and we wouldn’t have it any other way (don’t ever change, Iggy-bebe) but there was also some keen choreography performed with her backup dancers, and she engaged the crowd with shouty rally cries like “put your hands up!!” and “make some noise!” et cetera. She also made the crowd wish her thirteen-year-old brother a happy birthday, en masse, which was really charming. It’s a shame the sound wigged out for the last five minutes of her set and her two biggest singles “Work” and “Change Your Life”, but you get the feeling she’s got the chops to keep the wave of fascination rolling on. Shine on, you beautiful booty’d diamond. Shine on!

Merch was incredible and, some may say, incredibly over priced.

Can you really put a price on publicly professing your Beyvotion and all of the many Beymotions that you feel, though?

Beyby fans are sorted with a 000 Beyonesie.

Beyoncé fans are tone deaf.

With respect

And with the exception of that one Melbourne Maths teacher, Beyoncé fans are completely incapable of singing well. Us included (which is why it is infinitely better to be singing along and not able to hear yourself).

As many of you will know, Beyoncé hands the mic over to fans for certain key lyrics which is….not great. Like, hilarious. But it’s basically the arena equivalent of drunkenly playing SingStar and then having some JamesBlunt decide to select the ‘Playback’ option.

Yeah, looking at all y’all.

Humans cannot control themselves around Bey.

Setting the scene: There was a bro in the front row holding a sign saying ‘It’s my Birthday today’.

And so, Bey decided she would sing Happy Birthday for him and Iggy Azalea’s brother (it was also his birthday. Not important to the story) and this guy had a conniption. He appeared to physically leave his body and float somewhere above the stage in manic bliss. Bowels may or may not have been loosened in excitement. We can’t know for sure.

That kind of reaction is in no way out of the ordinary, though. Thus is the power of Beyoncé.

All praise.

You will never want to be fit as much as you do when watching Beyoncé live.

After the show it was decided that we would attempt a “Move Your Body” type work out in the office à la:

Beyoncé 1 / Laryngitis O

As the show continued and Bey began croakily conversing with the audience, it became pretty clear that she was losing her voice but could you hear that when she was singing? No sir, you could not.

Being the consummate performer that she is, she somehow managed to pull out every single note; not once did her singing voice falter. Leading us to assume that Beyoncé is, in fact, the cure for the common cold.

CC: Editor @ New Scientist Magazine

Beyoncé has great taste in French identical twin dancer bros.

There was a moment when Les Twins were TCB on stage and a conversation along the lines of ‘it is saaaah nice of Bey to take these dudes on tour and you just know they’ll be able to get ahhmahzing jobs after this’ ‘yeah, but I mean backing for Bey is actually the penultimate amazing job and their career is basically peaking right now’ ‘dude, yeah.’ Thus is the power of Beyoncé.

All praise.

A kind of shitty quality video of them on stage:

Them free-styling:

Beyoncé’s appeal transcends age, gender and surely also includes all animal and mineral entities.

At the unofficial after-party, read: the impromptu dance session in the foyer after the show accompanied by nondescript DJ, the people fist pumping and/or crumping ranged from approximately fourteen to forty-nine in age. It was such an all ages love fest and ultimately a beautiful moment in community celebration. A group of people coming together to dance in mutual appreciation for a performer who takes entertainment to the next level. Thus is the power of Beyoncé.

All praise. Beymen.

Get stuck in a Bey youtube blackhole here.

Title images via Iam.beyonce.com by Robin Harper

All other images via Susannah Tucker.