S*x Advice From Bloc P arty’s Kele!

Perhaps the tightness of your jeans restrict the blood flow to your nether regions. Or maybe like that mopey Morrissey fella you’re feeling a tad asexual. Or maybe, just maybe, you’d like to know what music would best woo prospective partners (the answer is Marvin Gaye regardless of gender). For those with romantic/sexual queries The Guardian have enlisted Bloc Party frontman and Indie Sex Doctor Kele Okereke to Dr. Phil your ass…

Here’s a sampling of Kele’s relationship wisdom:

Dear Kele,
I am living in a shared house at university with very thin walls, so all my housemates know exactly when it’s sexy-time for me and the boyfriend, which is rather off-putting for all concerned. Once, one of them burst in, drunk, knowing that it was a fairly pivotal moment, and shouted ‘THIS IS SPARTA!!!” for a “hilarious” joke. Could you recommend some sensual, yet suitably loud, music I can play to drown out sexy noises and avoid further embarrassment for all concerned?
Love and hugs, Zara

Who the hell is your flatmate? He/she sounds like a total riot. Can we take this person on tour? Please? I’ve just spoken to Russell, our guitarist, and he’s quite happy to come round and noodle about on his guitar in your room while you get down to it. A live soundtrack tailor-made for your sexploits? I may be on to something here. Kele Okereke Ltd – The Bespoke Sex Soundtrack Experience. We could set up meetings. I’d show up with a clipboard and make diagrams of the space where the activity takes place. You tell me what you and your boyfriend like to do and in what order, and then I choose someone best suited to the job from my large list of musician chums. When the urge kicks in, you page me, and half an hour later, some feckless rock dude shows up on a scooter with a Squire Strat and Peavey practice amp strapped to the back.

Click here for more pearls of wisdom…