Every City Except Melbourne Just Fucking Loves Post Malone, According To Spotify

It’s that time of year again folks, where Spotify takes a little nosy peek into everyone’s listening habits and spits out a bunch of data that makes you momentarily question what the fuck is going on in everyone else’s lives to result in them listening to something like 10 hours of ‘Tranquil And Gentle Tape Hiss Noise Background’.

The big wrap up of 2019 has delivered some unsurprising results, like Tones And I being the most streamed local track in Aus with ‘Dance Monkey’ (and surprisingly not with Sultanaposting-tier meme ‘Johnny Run Away’), and some more surprising ones like Hilltop Hoods being the most-streamed Aussie artist in Australia. Looks like having to step up to replace Chance The Rapper at Splendour worked out quite well for the Adelaide lads.

Looking at the Spotify charts city by city, a whole lot of people went fucken boonta for the Post Malone and Swae Lee collab, ‘Sunflower’, with that coming in as the #1 track for Brisbane, Sydney, Perth, Adelaide and Canberra.

Melbourne, on the other hand, was clearly very obsessed with Billie Eilish this year, with ‘Bad Guy’ pipping ‘Sunflower’ at the post for the most-streamed song. I can probably account for about 60% of those streams to be honest because that song just fucken whips ass and I won’t hear a bad word against it.

At the top end of the country, there are clearly some folks just trying to get a bit of relief from little ones, considering Darwin’s most-streamed song on Spotify is ‘Baby Sleep Shhh: The Perfect Settling Tool for Babies!’ Uhh is everything ok up there Darwin? Do you need anything from us? A babysitter? Some warm milk?

Meanwhile, Tassie’s #1 song is ‘Pure Brown Noise – Loopable with no fade’ by Erik Eriksson, which could either be another baby-soothing trick or maybe it’s just from Dark Mofo this year. Who’s to say?

All this is really telling me is that Melbourne = good taste, supporting young women, everywhere else = worryingly into a bloke who looks like he smells like sweet off milk (?) and also, screaming babies.

Also, where the hell is lofi hip hop radio – beats to relax/study to in these Spotify charts? That’s my question.