Us humans read a lot into our liquids. We find meaning in the tea leaves that congregate at the bottom of our cups, we tell our fortunes with coffee grinds, and, if we’re health conscious, we squat and peer into our toilets for signs of ill-health.

If you don’t do that last one, you should consider starting. Your pee pee says a lot about you.

(An advanced apology is absolutely necessary for the GIFs we are about to litter this piece with).

Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

Self magazine released this infographic which details what our pee has been busting to tell us all along. Let us break it down for you.

CLEAR


Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

This should come as no surprise, but if your pee is clear you’re kicking some serious goals. It means you are at the pinnacle of hydration. Congratulations on that achievement. Now, try and use that resolve in other areas of your life.

CLOUDY


Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

Shit man, this no good for anybody. If you’re pissing clouds it could signal a bladder infection. 

LIGHT YELLOW

Nothing to see here folks, carry on. You’re well hydrated if this is the case.


MEDIUM YELLOW


Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

Medium yellow doesn’t just make for a horrible fashion choice. It also signals dehydration. Get the fluids up, champ.

DARK YELLOW


Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

Anyone who has peed dark yellow knows that is some stanky-arse piss. Get an intravenous up you, stat.

ORANGE


Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

Doesn’t take a genius to know if you’re pissing orange you’re probably not gonna have a good time. What does this mean? It could be dehydration, gallstones, liver disease or some UTI medications. Could also mean you’re eating a ton of carrots.

PINK

Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

So there are two completely disparate explanations for this. It could mean bladder cancer/infection… Or that you’re just eating a lotta beets.

DARK PINK


Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

Pull up your pants and run straight to your urologist. Dark pink usually signals the possibility of clotted blood, and mo’ serious problems.

BROWN


Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

Not to be confused with the liquid form that may be running from another hole whilst hungover, brown pee can signal severe muscle damage, or an addiction to eating rhubarb.


BLUE/GREEN

Fifty Shades Of Yellow: What The Colour Of Your Wee Says About Your Health

Yes, it is possible to pee blue. There’s an inherited condition called familial hypocalciuric hypercalcemia, which results in too much calcium in your body, which then somehow translates to blue wee. You’d know by now if you had it, which you probably don’t, as it’s incredibly rare. Otherwise, you can eat heaps of food-dye-ladden treats which should do the trick.

Just want correct hydration, better health and clear wiz? Sticking to your eight glasses a day should keep the rainbow at bay.

Source: Self.