When our features editor asked us to brainstorm story ideas to coincide with Mental Health Month (October), I stopped and had a think about the kind of stuff that I’d want to read about mental health.
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I’ve noticed a lot of pieces around discussing the varying types of mental health issues and how to treat them (which is GREAT), but I think it’s also important to know what everyday things we’re doing that we might not know are having a negative impact on us.
As we get older and become bombarded with everyday responsibilities, we pick up certain habits to be polite or to help other people or simply because everyone else is doing it, without realising the damage it’s doing to our mental state.
I spoke to mental health professionals from two incredible Australian organisations, headspace and ReachOut, to highlight a few toxic habits and provide some advice on how to swap them for something more beneficial.
You’ll be surprised to read how something so simple can actually be so harmful for you but hopefully this article will give you the tools you need to practice better mental health.
1. Constantly checking your phone
This is a big one and I’m sure we’re all guilty of it. Legit, I don’t even want to tell you what my average daily screen time is ‘coz it’s so embarrassing.
The thing is, having a smart phone is an essential part of existing in 2019. There’s no denying that fact. But if you feel like you’ve become reliant on checking your phone, it’s not a great place to be.
“If you find that your relationships, uni performance, work and especially your mood are being impacted by the constant need to check your phone it might be time to think about reducing the amount of time you spend online,” says headspace National Clinical Advisor, Nick Duigan.
One of the main reasons why constantly checking your phone is bad for your health is ‘coz I’m betting you’re not jumping on to play Fruit Ninja, right?
More often than not, you’re sussing out who has liked your FB status, who has viewed your Insta Story and whether or not you have any new matches on a dating app.
A recent headspace survey found that 37 per cent of young people believe that social media is the largest contributor to the decline in mental health of young Australians.
While scrolling through Insta might feel harmless, social media has fed our need for attention / validation and when we don’t get it, this is bound to have a shitty affect on our mood.
How to kick the bad habit and pick up a positive one: Duigan acknowledges that “reducing time online and addressing the need to constantly check your phone isn’t as simple as it sounds.”
“There are only so many hours in the day, so if time spent online is taking away from things that offer balance and a healthy mind frame, that’s where we run into problems.”
I absolutely applaud the people who have been able to significantly reduce their screen time to a point where they no longer rely on it but the reality is that this isn’t possible for a lot of people.
So the goal here is to take small steps.
“The amount of time you spend on your screen or phone can sneak up without you realising it, you could start to work on this habit by making a conscious effort to think about how much time you spend online or checking your phone, and notice how it makes you feel,” he continues.
“If you’re ready to look at reducing your time online, try deciding in advance how much time you want to spend online, then set a timer to help you stay within that time limit.”
He also advises scheduling in ‘no phone times’ during the day and setting up time to ‘unplug’, or even try making mealtimes screen-free.
2. Staying in touch with toxic friends
If, like me, you’ve dedicated your life to being a humble disciple of the Spice Girls, you’ve probably spent many years adhering to the law that “Friendship never ends.”
While I hate to go against five icons, I feel it’s my duty to inform you that this rule is not only BS, but can also be damaging to your mental health.
We often keep in touch with people purely out of obligation, maybe they were our friend growing up or a former colleague or someone we spent many a drunken evening with back in the day.
At one point you genuinely enjoyed this person’s company. You came into each other’s lives at just the right time and you were a positive influence on one another.
But as you’ve both gotten older, they’ve started to develop toxic tendencies like feeling jealous when you’re having fun with someone else or pointing out that their life choices are superior to yours or maybe you’ve heard from friends that they’ve been bad-mouthing you behind your back and screenshotting your conversations to send to other people. Gross stuff like that.
This person who was once a positive force in your life has become a negative one – a toxic friend. Or, and here’s the kicker, maybe they’ve always been toxic but you either didn’t notice it before or you weren’t strong enough to call them on it until now.
Either way, constantly putting up with their shitty behaviour is not only a total waste of your time, but, just like toxins, it’s also bad for you.
“Toxic friendships can leave you feeling stressed, drained and have a negative impact on your self-confidence,” says Dr Kerrie Buhagiar, Director of Service Delivery at ReachOut.
Another red flag is if this person says nasty things about their friends behind their backs, then pretends to be tight with them IRL because the chances are that they’re doing the same thing to you. This is the very definition of a toxic friend and you don’t need that negativity in your life.
How to kick the bad habit and pick up a positive one: First of all, it’s important that you recognise that the change in this person’s behaviour is not your fault. People naturally grow apart as we get older, it’s just a fact of life.
It’s also important that you realise the reason why they’re judging your lifestyle or spreading poison about you to your shared friends is because they are unhappy with their own lives and it’s easier for them to try and turn people against you and attack you in passive aggressive ways than address their own issues. It’s called deflecting.
The fact that they’ve gone from being your friend to being an adult schoolyard bully is proof enough that this person is going through something.
But the bottom line is, you absolutely do not need to put up with this person’s negativity.
I once read this inspirational quote that really stuck by me:
When you finally realise your self-worth, you lose interest in anyone who doesn’t see it.
The same applies here. You’ve probably got scores of people in your life who genuinely love you and lift you up, so why waste time on this obligation friend?
Completely cutting someone off, especially when they’ve been in your life for a long time, might be too difficult a task but there are subtle ways to remove their influence from your life without sparking World War 3.
Tip #1: Gotta love that mute button! Gone are the days when you’d receive a “why did you unfriend/unfollow me!?!?” text. Now you can simply mute them so their posts and stories no longer appear in your feed, effectively banishing them from your life (or at least your feed, which pretty much is your life if the previous habit applies to you).
Tip #2: The next time they plan an event and you just know you’re going to spend the night dodging backhanded compliments, make sure you go in with a friend who you trust and stay for a short period of time or, better still, simply decline the invite.
“Instead of spending time with people that bring you down, focus on doing the things you enjoy – listening to music, walking the dog, kicking the footy with some positive mates,” Dr Kerrie suggests.
Hey, even the Spice Girls called it quits when the air was getting a little too toxic.
Take the ReachOut quiz to find out more about the signs of a toxic friendship here and learn more about how to deal with a toxic friendship here.
3. Spending too much time indoors
This can be a tricky one because after a day at work or uni (or both), all you want to do is veg out in front of the telly with a big bowl of popcorn.
But studies have shown that spending too much time inside can be a detriment to both your mental and physical health.
“We get it – when you’re feeling busy, stressed or low you probably feel more like being indoors and watching TV than getting outside and being active,” says Nick.
“But it’s often when you least feel like it that you most need it.”
How to kick the bad habit and pick up a positive one: This might sound like a difficult task ‘coz a girl’s gotta eat and therefore a girl’s gotta spend time indoors at work, but there are always ways around this.
Carve out some time after work or between classes where you can go for a walk with a mate or pop in your headphones and listen to some sweet tunes as you stroll and enjoy some alone time.
“Staying active can actually improve your sleep, give you more energy and help manage stress – all helping you keep a healthy headspace,” says Nick.
“And exercising doesn’t have to be running on the treadmill. It’s really anything that gets your body moving and increases your heart rate, even things like taking the stairs or walking home from work or uni.”
And as we know, working out releases endorphins which is our body’s natural happy pill.
4. Negative Thinking
It’s so easy to get trapped in negative thoughts and focus on how shit things are right now but this is not only counterproductive, but also harmful to our mental state.
“Negative thinking can be really tiring,” Dr Kerrie points out.
“It’s that inner voice that tries to protect us by highlighting all the things that could go wrong – it feels true, even when it’s biased or incorrect. This can make us feel down, stop us doing things we want to do, and leave us feeling disempowered or helpless.”
Negative thinking does nothing but undermine our confidence, achievements and relationships with others.
A positive habit to replace it with: It’s totally normal to feel crappy when your situation is crappy, but it makes way more sense to focus those feelings into the problem in a positive way to produce results.
“Take back control by challenging those negative thoughts,” Dr Kerrie suggests.
“It takes practice to break the habit, but the first step is learning to notice when you’re feeling down, angry, anxious or upset, and use this as your signal to stop and reflect on your thoughts.”
When you feel negative thoughts creeping into your head, Dr Kerrie says you should ask yourself: “‘Are things really as negative as your inner voice is saying?’ Or could you tell yourself a different, more positive story. Having some questions on hand that help challenge your negative perspective can be really helpful.”
Check out more on ReachOut here.
People seeking help for a mental health problem can contact headspace at www.headspace.org.au and ReachOut at https://au.reachout.com/.
