Everyone has their lazy days.
Everyone. Even Usain Bolt, Channing Tatum and Candice Swanepoel, no doubt.
not pictured – doritos and pepsi max
An off-day every now and then should spell no dramas – unless of course, you own a Fitbit.
You don’t want to screw up your monthly average steps by having one good-for-nothing day. Here are a few methods of keeping the numbers up with minimal effort. (Sure, it defeats the purpose of wearing the $300 piece of equipment and you’re only cheating yourself. But we aren’t judging.)
1. ATTACH IT TO YOUR SMALL, UNASSUMING PETS
Anyone who has a small dog knows those motherfuckers are crazy.
Bonus points if your doge is a teacup poodle, dachshund or chihuahua. Their teeny, tiny legs mean more clicks on your fitbit.
maybe just the greatest video you will watch today
A hamster on a wheel would be just as satisfying.
2. WEAR IT WHILE HUNTING POKEMON
Before you say it, I know, hunting Pokemon requires you to move around – the typical way to make your way to 10,000 daily steps.
But my point is, capturing rogue Squirtles does not feel like exercise. It’s a great way to convert your body’s Jigglypuff bits and build up your Latias.
tfw u catch them all
3. WHACK IT ON AND HAVE A WANK
Nothing like a rigorously rubbing one out to get your heart rate up.
According to Quora (the corner of the internet where prolific masturbators crowd), jerking the gherkin can burn a fair few calories, and the shaking motion of the tug will no doubt get your fitbit pumping:
Beats running.
4. CLIP IT TO A CEILING FAN
Oliver Tinley, I salute you.
5. PUT IT ON A SEAGULL
Seagulls don’t beat around the bush. They’re the insurance salesmen of the animal kingdom – they’re hungry, ruthless and always keep those beady eyes on the prize.
Simply take a bus to a seaside suburb with some hot fish and chips in tow, find a willing gull and clip the device to its body.
Smatter the ground with chippies and watch those birds go hog wild. If you need definitive proof that this works, just cast your mind back to the infamous Seagulls On A Frankston Train yarn:
Imagine if that same man had put a fitbit on one of the gulls? He’d never have to use his legs again!
6. TAPE THAT SUCKER TO A POWER DRILL
Paul79UF, you are one cunning individual. This is genius. Hell, had you spent the time it took to set this up actually doing some exercise, you might’ve improved your health and wellbeing.
7. WEAR WHILE READING A BOOK FEROCIOUSLY
Find a book that you absolutely cannot put down, and really turn into those pages. Any and all books from the Harry Potter series will do just fine.
8. GEAR UP FOR A GAME OF BOP IT
“one more hit and i’ll turn this car around lucinda”
Who could forget the hottest game for tweens at the turn of the century? Playing Bop It was the easiest way to annoy your parents, and now it’s the greatest way to trick your device into thinking you’re a functioning, regularly-exercising adult.
If you’ve got a HR monitor on your Fitbit, even better. Your heart rate will no doubt soar during an exhaustive round of Bop it.
Or… you could just wear your Fitbit and go for a run.
Photo: Paul79UF / YouTube.
