We Regret To Inform You That ‘The Emoji Movie’ Is Not Getting Good Reviews

I know you were expecting something wonderful from The Emoji Movie. The trailers made it look like it could truly be our generation’s Apocalypse Now, a triumph of filmmaking and cinematography that exposes the twisted heart of our tech dystopia and urges us to turn away from the blighted path of instant smartphone gratification. 

Unfortunately, I come to you with sad news. The Emoji Movie currently stands at 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, meaning not a single critic has seen fit to give it even a mildly positive review.
Folks, it looks like there is a serious spanner in the works for The Emoji Movie’s claimto being the greatest film of all time. But perhaps the critics are just wrong. Greatness is often not recognised in its own time – and the sneering cultural elite just want you to go see Harry Styles in Dunkirk instead.
These reviews do not paint a pretty picture. From Kate Walsh at the LA Times:
There could be far worse ways to spend 86 minutes. But maybe, just maybe, it’d be the better choice to spend those 86 minutes outside, or reading a book, or talking face-to-face with another human being. 

The review over at the AV Club really makes the plot sound good:

Leondis has cited Toy Story as an inspiration, but The Emoji Movie is more like a severely debased Inside Out that takes place inside of a smartphone. The “plot” is really an excuse to hop from one app to another; there are stops in the lands of Candy Crush, WeChat, Just Dance, Instagram, Spotify, and (for the kids!) Dropbox. That last one proves crucial, saving the fugitive trio from a pursuing robot. “Don’t worry, it can’t get in,” Jailbreak helpfully notes. “It’s illegal malware and this app is secure.” At the climax, a Twitter bird comes to the rescue.

From Matt Singer at Screen Crush:

It would be fitting if there were no words to describe The Emoji Movie; if the ephemeral experience of consuming this unique entertainment could only be summarized in a couple of small pictures dashed off in a text message. But, no, there are plenty of words that can describe The Emoji Movie. Here are a few of them: Unfunny. Saccharine. Nonsensical. Painful. And, of course, crappy. (If you prefer the poop emoji, that works too.)

Or perhaps rather than relying on reviews, we can just read this headline from the New York Post:

Hmm. I will not be seeing this film.
Photo: Emoji Movie.