In news that is not news to anyone: the man who first set the world’s loins alight in the mid-’90s in Romeo + Juliet and Titanic before going on to be continually robbed of Academy Awards until 2015, Leonardo DiCaprio, is still ridiculously good-looking. And the world – including one of the names in comedy right now – still has the hots for the 43-year-old.

Actress ‘n funny gal Tiffany Haddish – best known for Girls Trip, her Showtime stand-up special, and for being the first female African-American comedian to host Saturday Night Live – has spilled the dirty goss about the time, just a few months ago, she cracked on to the Thirst Lord at a party. How did she do it? well, as she tells The Hollywood Reporter, she just got straight to the point and asked him.

I asked him if he’d let me hit that. He’s like, ‘Tiffany, you’re so funny.’ I’m like, ‘I’m serious.’ And then he goes, ‘I mean, I’d do it, but…’ I was like, ‘Come on, wasn’t you in a squad? The Coochie Squad or something?‘”

The thought of anyone saying ‘Coochie Squad‘ to DiCaprio is so WILD we need to pause for a second here.

For background, in case you were not totally clued up on late ’90s celeb gossip/misbehaviour: DiCaprio and his mostly former child actor pals – like Tobey Maguire, Lukas Haas, Kevin Connolly and magician David Blaine –  called themselves the ‘Pussy Posse‘ because at the time they were totally into partying hard and chasin’ babes, like something out of an ’90s teen sex comedy.

So Haddish, having established DiCaprio’s role at the centre of the ‘Coochie Squad‘, continued her pursuit, all the while making a peculiar request – that DiCaprio fuck her as Arnie Grape, his breakout, Oscar-nominated role as an autistic teenager in 1993’s What’s Eating Gilbert Grape:

I told him, ‘My only stipulation: I wanna do it with you as your character in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.’ He starts bustin’ up laughin’. ‘Why?’ he asks, and I say, ”Cause I feel like that performance deserves a real reward and that reward is this [gestures at her own body].’ He starts goin’ into how he got into the role, how he worked with these kids and all this stuff, and I’m just listenin’ and listenin’, like, ‘Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.’ I finally go, ‘All that’s good, I just need to know, When’s this gonna happen?'”

There’s a LOT to process here. WOW.

It’s not the first time Haddish has admitted to having a crush on DiCaprio (and other hunky daddy Brad Pitt). On The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last year, she spoke about being encouraged by Kevin Hart to write a list of life goals when she was a 20-something down-and-out comedian living in her car in Los Angeles: I wrote that Brad Pitt will start asking me to dinner all the time, where it’s like so much I’m just like ‘Look Brad, I’m busy, I can’t’… Also I wrote on there that I wanna get pregnant by Leonardo DiCaprio.”

And earlier this year she spoke to Kelly Ripa backstage at the Oscars about still wanting to get with Pitt: “Oh, I just met him on the elevator: he said in one year if he’s single and I’m single we gonna do it, so you know what that means!

We know what that means: that Haddish is like all of us, and would totally GO THERE with either celeb. Godspeed you gloriously horny goddess.

Source: The Hollywood Reporter
Image: Getty Images / Brian Ach