Welcome to Results Show No. 5 of The X Factor Australia. Tonight one of the contestants will be sent packing (I have a feeling that either Samantha or Angel will get booted), but not until we’ve had to endure a live performance of “Gangnam Style” by PSY. Quick question: Is it just me or is “Gangnam Style” widely mispronounced? Shouldn’t it be “gang-NAM” and not “gangham” – kind of like a slightly altered version of “gingham”? – which is how most people pronounce it. Anyway, that really shits me.
Oh god I’ve just had checked the TV guide and the other ‘special’ guests for tonight’s show will be “R&B sensation Jay Sean and reigning X Factor champ Reece Mastin”. Perfect.
7:30pm: And we’re off. (Home And Away finished unusually early tonight i.e. on time)
7:31pm: Host Luke just described last night as the “strongest performance night yet”. DISAGREE.
7:33pm: First up will be a performance by a dude named Jay Sean who Luke refers to as “an R&B superstar”. Imagine the facial expression that best represents the word dubious, and you’d have a pretty good idea of where I’m at right now. One of the lyrics he just sung was “I’ve got a smoke machine in my mind”. Good grief.
7:40pm: I neglected to mention Nathaniel as one of my picks for the bottom two tonight. Right now we are seeing a debrief of last night’s Live Show and it reminded me of the carnage Nathaniel made of Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got To Do With It”. Guy is a very talented guy fellow, but he has to stop trying to be clever with how he arranges his contestant’s songs.
7:45pm: Mel B outfit update: Tonight she has a tight long-sleeved yellow dress on. Looks amazing, as we have come to expect. She’s also acting like a surly competitive little shit, something we’ve also come to expect.
7:51pm: Now we’re going to see a performance by special guest Reece Mastin who won X Factor Australia last year. He really set the bar. One of his songs called “Shut up and Kiss Me” (groan) went Gold on the ARIA charts, so he has fans.
7:53pm: He has a fringe longer than the rest of his head’s hair combined and seems to be lip synching. I think I’m going to have a glass of wine.
7:55pm: LOL. Mel B doesn’t even make sense:
8:01pm: It’s time for the results and the remaining contestants and their mentors are on stage. Fourtunate are the first act to go through to the next round.
8:02pm: Shiane is the next to go through safe for next week. Nat lets loose with a shriek.
8:03pm: Next announced as safe is Nathaniel. Crow for dinner tonight. The Collective are also safe, as is Bella. Another scream from Bassingthwaighte. Mel B is looking nervous…
8:05pm: The final spot goes to Jason! Mel B says “er mah god, thang god!” and grips Jason like a vice on balls. So the two who will be singing for their lives are Samantha Jade, Guy‘s favourite contestant, and Angel who is on Team Nat. No one likes a self-satisfied blow hard but I TOLD YOU SO. Didn’t I! Yes! I rule!
8:12pm: Now that I’ve recovered from being an obnoxious psychic medium, I’m reluctant to say that PSY is performing “GangNAM Style” now. The audience has gone ballistic as soon as he gets on stage. They have those glow-in-the-dark pool noodles again. Gosh I want one…
8:15pm: I can genuinely appreciate PSY for his flawless, wrinkle-free skin.
8:18pm: Oh shit! Mel B has been bullied into doing the “Gangnam Style” dance with PSY because, as she says, “mah dawtuh will kill meh if ah donn do this”. It happened very quickly and Mel B fully committed herself to Gangnam Style for about 11 seconds. Excellent.
8:24pm: Time to see these guys sing for their lives. First up is Angel. She is singing a Pink song and sounds good but isn’t blowing anyone away. Like I said before, I think Angel is a great singer and can perform a decent tune, but she just isn’t especially captivating. Sorry Angel fans.
8:27pm: Now it’s Samantha Jade‘s turn to sing. She does some Avril Lavigne song and, like Angel, does a fine vocal job of it and performs well too, but again she’s just not particularly thrilling to watch. Unfortunately I think she has ‘back up singer’ in her future – not ‘solo pop artist’.
8:33pm: Okay, it’s decision time and the judges need to decide you they want to keep in or keep out of the competition. Guy is up first and of course he votes for Sammy. Next to give their two cents is Nat who naturally votes to keep Angel in the comp.
8:35pm: Next to vote is Ronan who is going to make his decision based on the performances he just saw, and he decides to send Angel home. So the final vote lies with Mel B…
8:37pm: OMG it’s Deadlock O’Clock as Mel announces that she votes Sammy to go home. Jesus did I just write the words “deadlock o’clock”? Yes. But there’s no backspacing in live blogs.
8:41pm: So it has come down to the public vote and Angel is the one who is leaving. So that’s the end of another episode. What do you think of the results and the rest of the show? Share your thoughts and feelings in the comment section, and I’ll e-catch up with you next week.
