Alright, we’ve had our fun going over the extended list of today’s Oscar Nominations. We’ve picked over it, we’ve high-fived internally when our favourite film/actor/writer/costume designer’s name appeared. But now that that particular dust cloud has settled we’ve gotta go a little deeper and take a look at some of the other stuff that happened (or didn’t happen) during the nomination announcement ceremony.
Broken down in easy-to-digest sub-headings, the biggest takeaways from the Noms are as follows.
DICK POOP
OH MY GOD CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT HOW ACADEMY PRESIDENT CHERYL BOONE ISAACS TOTALLY SAID “DICK POOP” FOR A MOMENT?
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT?
When trying to announce that “Dick Pope” had been nominated for best cinematography, Isaacs absolutely, definitely, 100% said Dick Poop instead.
Dick Poop.
Dick. Poop.
What’s even better (or worse) is that she absolutely nailed “Lukasz Zal” and “Ryszard Lenczewski” no more than ten seconds prior to dropping Willy Shits unto us all. A glorious day to be alive indeed.
SNUBS! SNUBS EVERYWHERE!
With every Oscars nominations comes the inevitable cry into the dark of those the glitzy express train to the Kodak Theatre leaves behind. Whilst some are a little less obvious and are more the fading hope of a rabid fanbase, some smack you in the face so dang hard it’s difficult to ignore.
The LEGO Movie missing out on at least a nomination for Best Animated Feature is a crime of Biblical proportions. Though we’re hard pressed to suggest which of the five films that did get nominated should’ve missed out instead, it’s baffling to think that one of the most inventive, joyous, and outstanding animated films of the year couldn’t at least pick up a sly nod from the Academy (the fact that it was animated by Australian studio Animal Logic notwithstanding). It is a massive oversight that at best proves the strength of the animation class of 2014, and at worst is just a straight up dick move by the Academy.
The Best Documentary Feature category is a goddamned mess this year. Whilst there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with any of the five films that made the cut, some of 2014’s strongest, most poignant real stories were left well and truly in the lurch. We’re talking the through-the-looking-glass glimpse at filmmaking insanity featured in Jodorowsky’s Dune, the monumentally interesting and important story of the Large Hadron Collider in Particle Fever, and perhaps most shockingly of all, the total absence of the name “Life Itself” from the list. That film should’ve been a lock; hell, it should’ve been favourite to win. A touching and poignant look at darling of the industry, the dearly departed Roger Ebert helmed by master documentary maker Steve James? This should’ve been a no-brainer. Instead, it’s Hoop Dreams all over again.
In a relatively thin actress class, we’re still missing names like Tilda Swinton, Jennifer Aniston, and Amy Adams from the list, despite all turning in tour de force performances this year in films like Snowpiercer, Cake and Big Eyes. Instead, Marion Cotillard sneaks in with a big surprise nomination for her role in the small, French-language film “Two Days, One Night.” Though this one isn’t too hard to fathom; it’s a classic Oscars move.
Selma being practically nowhere to be found. This is the big one, gang. Despite being everywhere (literally EVERYWHERE) in awards proceedings leading up to the Oscars, the Martin Luther King Jr. biopic suffered a near-total shutout in the Oscars nominations, picking up only two – for Best Picture and Best Original Song. Nowhere to be seen was Ava DuVernay for Best Director, or David Oyelowo for Best Actor. Not Best Screenplay or cinematography and absolutely zero recognition for the film’s excellent extended cast.
Which leads me to the final takeaway point…
EVERYONE’S REALLY, REALLY WHITE, YOU GUYS
Take a look at the nominations for Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, and Best Supporting Actress. Notice a trend emerging?
Maybe this will help.
God damn it they’re all so fucking white. Like, powerfully fucking white.
The complete absence of racial diversity in the acting nominations sent the internet into a spin, with the joking hashtag #OscarsSoWhite springing up in response, which people – being the hilarious beings that they are – took to with sarcasm to deal with their bemusement. Observe!
We’ve gotta laugh about it, guys. Because if we don’t find it funny then it’s just really infuriating.
But seriously though. Dick Poop.
DICK POOP.
Photo: Kevin Winter via Getty Images.
