Not Even Chickenpox Could Keep Sam & Ines From Being Awkwardly Thirsty On ‘MAFS’

Here’s what’s important to keep in mind about Married At First Sight: it’s real. Everything that happens is real. The Experiment is real. The Experts? Actual scientists. After another, say, 28 seasons, the Experts will publish a paper in a reputable scientific journal, announcing that they have successfully cracked the code to human interpersonal relationships, allowing love and joy to flourish forever, before deftly demonstrating that such is the case.

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Nothing in the show is the result of deceptive editing, nothing in the show is done by the contestants as a response to the careful of the producers, and definitely none of the couples were deliberately mismatched so as to create absolute nightmares. When Ines approaches Sam with the sexual energy of a curious capuchin monkey, it is 100% real.

Tonight’s episode marked this season’s second iteration of the most crucial element of MAFS: the dinner party. The MAFS dinner party is perhaps one of the most ingenious inventions in the history of television and its formula is a simple one: you get a bunch of anxiety-ridden, horny, on-edge aspiring celebrities, you provoke them into working out their interpersonal differences, and all the while you feed them bottomless wine and beers. It is magical. Every single one of them results in at least one nightmare, and often more.

Tonight’s premier nightmare, as previously alluded to, was between Sam and Ines. Sam arrives late to the dinner party without Elizabeth and, somewhat more surprisingly, with chickenpox. Ines arrives with Bronson, who she seemingly wishes was dead. Apparently overcome with highly charged sexual desire, not even a highly contagious skin disease can keep Sam and Ines apart, who proceed to flirt with the skill and grace of drunk teens.

It is not easy to watch:

As Ines gleefully tells the camera, they have set up the word ‘cupcake’ as a codeword for… Going into some sort of side room with cameras in it to talk about how they shouldn’t do anything? Dear reader, I am as confused as you are.

There’s a small chance that all of this might be manufactured but, hey, at least it makes for good TV. You can watch the full episode here.