One Night In Paris

The LA Times reports that “An estimated $2 million worth of jewelry and other belongings was stolen from the home of Paris Hilton”.

Not one to miss a convenient setup, the ever snarky Gawker observes “there’s a pearl necklace joke in there somewhere”. Yes there is Gawker, yes there is.

An LAPD source confirms the burglars entered through an unlocked door and wore hooded sweatshirts and gloves. Awesome! That narrows it down to every LA hipster ever or Michael Jackson in jogging attire.

Don’t feel too sorry for Paris though, she is rumoured to receive a $600,000 appearance fee for The Bongo Virus’ NYE party at The Piano Room in Sydney. First of all, what the fuck is The Bongo Virus? It sounds like the name of a really, really bad psy-trance DJ. Either that or a killer strain of hydroponic bud. Secondly what is Paris actually doing to warrant a $600,000 pay cheque? Will she be serving drinks? Can she fire twirl? Thai ping pong show? Cabaret anyone?

Bongo chief executive Will Scott says of the event: “Paris is coming because it’s the biggest online party in the world and she wanted to come because she loves Australia,” yeah right buddy, I’ll believe that sentence when “Australia” become a synonym for “money”. Which thanks to Baz Luhrman’s epic fail has no chance of happening.

Hopefully a Sydney gentleman finds the generosity to give Paris a new pearl necklace.