A Cranky Opera Fan In Sydney Had The Bloody NERVE To ‘Swat’ Nicole Kidman With His Program

Nicole Kidman

The rules for seeing Nicole Kidman out in public are really pretty simple – you smile, you tell her that she was luminous in The Undoing, you avoid mentioning her wigs because she hates that, and then you let her go about her day and continue whatever iconic thing she was doing. It’s really that simple. One thing you absolutely, definitely do not want to do is ‘swat’ her with your opera program, but apparently, one aggrieved Sydney man did not get that memo.

Per reports in the Sydney Morning Herald, Nicole Kidman and husband Keith Urban were at a performance of The Merry Widow last month at the Sydney Opera House when the alleged swatting occurred. The trouble is said to have started when Nic and Keith got to their feet at the end of the performance to join in a standing ovation. A man behind them found this dreadfully déclassé, and decided to do something about it.

The man allegedly asked them to sit, and when Keith explained that they were showing appreciation for the performance along with everyone else, he ‘swatted’ Nicole with his program. She was “visibly upset” and an angry Keith Urban accused the man of assault. He then summoned his team to escort him, Kidman and her mother out of the audience, while Opera House security came to collect the man, and the cops were later called.

NSW Police have since said: “Police have been told a 53-year-old man and a 67-year-old man were both attending the entertainment centre when an argument broke out. Officers spoke to both men and no further action was taken.”

Once again, I repeat, if you see Nicole Kidman out in public, tell her The Hours changed your life, complement whatever coat she’s wearing – because she will be wearing a coat and it will be opulent as fuck – and then get outta there. We do not go around ‘swatting’ national treasures, especially the star of Moulin Rouge, under any circumstances. Thank you for your cooperation.