There’s tough people getting around, and then there’s Carl Moore.
73 year-old Carl ran into a mild spot of bother at his home in California, when a rogue bear appeared and frightened the living daylights out of his beloved dog pal Lacy.
Faced with this situation, Carl could have coaxed Lacy away from danger, barricaded himself inside and called animal control – y’know, the types of things you’d normally do when confronted with a goddamned bear. Safe things. Sensible things. Decidedly non-badass things.
But that is not in Carl’s nature. Carl does not abide by the laws of sensibility. Carl is his own man, god damn it. And so instead of doing any of that, what Carl chose to do was to roar up to the bear and punch it’s fucking head in.
More to that, after he’d seen the bear off and gathered up poor little Lacy – who is freaking ADORABLE as it turns out – he then runs up to the news crew who showed up when word of his Chuck Norris-like feats spread, and proceeds to talk mad shit on the bear, which displays both a set of balls made from the strongest titanium alloy known to man, and an odd confidence that the bear has somehow acquired access to broadcast television.
Still, with lines like “The man or beast that I run from ain’t been born, and it’s Momma’s already dead” it’s clearly a matter of time before Hollywood starts throwing all the money at him, now having made all action movie stars completely redundant.
If this is in any way embellished, I don’t want to know, and nor do I care. I want Carl’s face on t-shirts. I want him to start a webseries where he talks about his various bouts with nature. I want him to run for goddamned PRESIDENT.
Let this be a lesson to all you other smarter-than-the-average-bears out there. Carl Moore is a certified badass.