Those Crazy Bastards Put Brett Lee In A Bird Costume

I’m not going to bullshit you on this one, dear reader: I have not watched The Masked Singer, and I have no intention of doing so. I have been experiencing this show only through screenshots on Twitter and ads on the side of buses, and I have been doing so with the deep, perplexed curiosity of someone’s dad seeing anime for the first time.

[jwplayer 2TT8ymo7]

I cannot help but marvel at the ridiculous spectacle of seeing Osher Gunsberg — wearing a suit that would have been at home in the Hunger Games — standing at the side of a deeply forlorn octopus. I am drawn to it, driven insane by it. But I know that if I give in to my curiosity and actually watch the show, this will become normal to me eventually. It will become mundane. It will stop seeming like a TV show that is being beamed into my brain from an alien future, and I will no longer be surprised and confused when a stray tweet informs me that the octopus was actually author and broadcaster Gretel Killeen all along.

Pictured: What the fuck is going on with TV.

Not only am I being told to believe that international celebrity Lindsay Lohan is a judging panellist on this show, I’m also being told that, as of tonight, she had to pretend to understand who Brett Lee is? Also, Brett Lee was on this show? And in a bird costume?! Also, Dave Hughes is there?? There’s a lot going on, and I understand none of it.

I’m not sure what stage of the professional sportsperson career arc involves ‘getting judged on your singing by the girl from The Parent Trap (1998) while dressed as a huge bird’, but it’s still somehow less of a bizarre turn than former Trump mouthpiece Sean Spicer ending up on Dancing With the Stars.

Again, I must stress that I have not watched the show and my understanding of it is incredibly poor, but I have come to understand that, in Brett Lee’s unmasking as The Birdman (?), he has also been voted off the show.

You hate to see it happen.