Tonight’s ‘MAFS’ Was The Best Bit Of TV Ever Broadcast & Do Not Argue W/ Me

Allow me to get Real with you for a moment: this is my last ever ‘Married At First Sight’ column. It hurts, but it’s the truth: I’m not going to be writing them any more.

But WHAT A WAY TO GO, AM I RIGHT?!

Like SHIT YOU GUYS. THAT WAS… AMAZING.

Give every single person on this hellish show one million dollars in cash, because I will be thinking about this piece of television for the rest of my life.

Betrayal. Infidelity. Outrage. Shock twists. A solid ninety minutes of shouting at the TV. This episode delivered everything.

So ashamed of myself for watching #MAFS. Why can’t I have an addiction to something more highbrow… like crack?

— catherine (@cuddycudmore) February 18, 2018

We all know the Davina/Dean/Tracy love triangle sitch: Dean & Tracy are “married”, Davina and Dean got all lovey-dovey over text and then had a revolting tryst in a pub, Dean promised that he was totally into Davina, Davina looked like the smuggest shit alive, and Tracy went on oblivious.

We were all prepped for a disgusting moment of betrayal in tonight’s commitment ceremony, but we were NOT prepared for it to look like THIS.

Dean comes clean. #MAFS pic.twitter.com/9iQuBNztks

— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) February 18, 2018

Instead of dropping Tracy in order to flounce off into the Insta-filtered sunset with Davina, Dean actually confessed to his two-timing garbage and begged Tracy to stay with him. This prompted Davina to burst into tears, accuse him of being a wretched scumbag, and expertly pivot from conscienceless harpy to victim in about a split second.

Also we got to see everyone else yell at Dean the Sexist, which was probably more satisfying than about 80% of my sexual experiences. Apparently the rest of Australia feels pretty much exactly the same way.

The best two seconds of #MAFS Australia television history ???? #OMG pic.twitter.com/TU9qYn6lUN

— Isabella Rositano (@mseaizzy) February 18, 2018

Can we replace the 'experts' with Nasser? And maybe Nasser replace the PM too while we are at it! #mafs

— Nick #abetterway (@nickbarnesaus) February 18, 2018

Nasser be like #MAFS pic.twitter.com/Yw24o1jjtP

— ChocolateSoldiers (@Gregoriavich) February 18, 2018

Dean blaming Davina for everything just shows how vile and disgusting he really is #MAFS

— Amanda Novak (@Kobesmama13) February 18, 2018

THIS ???????? IS ???????? WHAT ???????? I ???????? CAME ???????? HERE ???????? FOR ???????? #MAFS

— Adelaide (@radelaidie) February 18, 2018

This is the greatest episode of reality tv I have ever watched #MAFS

— Ames (@AmyyCatherine) February 18, 2018

I am living for this commitment ceremony tonight @MarriedAU #MAFS pic.twitter.com/wtDT5nnIYL

— Kelly Pinkerton (@kelliotpinky) February 18, 2018

I love how Dean is only just realising that actions have consequences. The rest of us learnt that in primary school, bro. #MAFS

— Shalailah Medhora (@shalailah) February 18, 2018

Tracey dropping a Danny Glover “I’m getting too old for this shit” has been the highlight of #MAFS

— Ryan Fitzgerald (@FitzySA) February 18, 2018

Also, can we agree: Ryan, baby, what’s up?

Speaking objectively (because let’s face it , I don’t know any of them personally thank God) Ryan is a far more attractive man than Dean, who resembles a beetroot with hair #MAFS

— Nicole Matthews (@nikki12400815) February 18, 2018

Obviously Tracy chose to stay with Dean because there’s nothing a woman likes more than being two-timed on national television, AND because he’s a duplicitous snake who blamed everything on Davina’s insatiable horniness and also bought himself a new ring (?) as a symbol of his commitment.

Best of luck, mate: as we saw last season, the producers of this show have no problem with playing your own bullshit right back to you directly after you’ve invested a heap of energy into strenuously denying it. I literally cannot wait.