Let it never be said that Macaulay Culkin isn’t aware of *exactly* when his career peaked – as Kevin McCallister in Home Alone, the 8-year-old kid who starts committing grievous bodily harm the second he’s left unsupervised.

Culkin as now shown us exactly what type of adult Kevin grew up to be, in a newly-launched web series about an Uber-like car service.

Can we get a drum roll please, because this adorable cherub…

Macaulay Culkin Imagines Kevin McCallister 25 Years On, And It’s Not Pretty

…has ended up a bitter, twisted adult in need of therapy for Christmas.

Macaulay Culkin Imagines Kevin McCallister 25 Years On, And It’s Not Pretty

Welcome to :DRYVRS Episode 1: ‘Just Me In The House By Myself’.

In this first episode Culkin stars as the driver who unloads his childhood crap on hapless passenger Dishel (played by Jack Dishel, the musician / actor / producer behind the web series).

“I had to fend off my house from two psychopath home invaders,” he says, mid-drag on a blunt roadie. “I was just a kid. I mean, I still have nightmares about, like, this bald weirdo dude chasing me around.” 

:'(

Numerous guest stars are promised for future episodes, so it’s gonna be a wild ride.

Macaulay Culkin Imagines Kevin McCallister 25 Years On, And It’s Not Pretty