Well Fuck, Justin Bieber May Have Just Secretly Married Hailey Baldwin

That distant screaming you hear right now is the sound of Beliebers checking their phones and experiencing panic attacks at the news that Justin Bieber may have just secretly tied the knot with Hailey Baldwin.

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Sources close to the couple, who announced their engagement two months ago, have been talking to the tabloids, and claiming that they got married in a small ceremony in New York on Thursday.

“They went ahead and did it without listening to anyone,” one friend told People of the whirlwind marriage.

Another person, identified as a ‘religious source’, said that the pair had a simple courthouse wedding, but are planning to have a full ceremony for friends and family later down the line.

“They’re going to have a big blowout, in front of God and everyone they love,” the source claimed.

Gossip monsters TMZ further fuelled the rumour by confirming that Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin were seen walking into a courthouse where marriage licenses are issued on Thursday.

Bieber is said to have told Baldwin “I can’t wait to marry you, baby,” although it’s unclear if TMZ just, like, overheard that or if he announced it loudly through some kind of megaphone or what.

He is later said to have told a court official “thanks for keeping it on the DL.”

Thanks For Keeping It On The DL‘ could also possibly be the title of Bieber’s upcoming single with DJ Khaled – WE JUST DON’T KNOW – but I’m sure there’ll be more to come on this breaking news and current affairs story.