An Unofficial Ranking Of The Glee Covers Which Absolutely Fucking Blow The OGs Out Of The Water

Album cover of 'Glee: The Music, Volume 3 Showstoppers' and cat listening to headphones crying

For reasons unknown, I am currently rewatching Glee. I lack the funds to see a therapist so I can understand why I’m voluntarily torturing myself like this but alas, it’s where we’re at.

Sandwiched between the deeply problematic storylines and Mr Schue being an abysmal teacher, however, there were moments of musical genius. Simply stunning auditory sensations which made me smile, cry or break out in goosebumps; sometimes, all three at once.

People are afraid to admit it, but many of the songs performed by 30-year-old actors pretending to be high school students are better than the originals.

I mean no disrespect to legends such as Barba Streisand and Tina Turner, who are, quite simply, some of the best to ever do it. But we can’t ignore that the cast of Glee had some sets of pipes on them.

Here, in no particular order, I present to you the Glee covers I deem better than the OGs.

“Creep” – Radiohead

I know this will infuriate Radiohead stans but I don’t give a flying fuck. Throw a slushie on me, see if I care.

Thom Yorke walked so Rachel could run and deliver the most soul-crushing, heart-wrenching depiction of human suffering the world has ever heard.

“Candyman” — Christina Aguilera

The harmonies? The dancing? The outfits? The only proof one will ever need to understand why the Glee club did Mercedes, Santana and Brittany so dirty.

To think what we could have had if Mr Schue didn’t allow almost every single New Directions performance to be the Rachel show. This is what he took from us.

“Total Eclipse Of The Heart” — Bonnie Tyler

The raw emotion was palpable in this one. You could really tell that Miss Berry, the narcissistic little mole she was, truly felt awful for stitching up Jesse, Puck and Finn in that stupid video assignment.

Honestly, I still have chills. I am turning around, bright eyes.

“Don’t Stop Believin’” — Journey

Ryan Murphy, the criminal mastermind behind Glee, told Jenna Ushkovitz (Tina Cohen-Chang) and Kevin McHale (Artie Abrams) on their podcast And That’s What You REALLY Missed that no one wanted to do “Don’t Stop Believin’” because it had just been on The Sopranos.

And I am so glad that evil genius put his foot down and said *this* was the song to whack in the pilot because the cast fucking smashed it.

“My Man” — Barbra Streisand

I’m obsessed with Streisand’s version of “My Man” in Funny Girl but there’s just something about Rachel’s rendition which scratches an itch in my brain.

I’m not afraid to admit that I cried the first time I heard her whip this one out of the bag.

“True Colours” — Cyndi Lauper

The fact Tina didn’t receive more solos when this is one of the show’s most beautiful songs is a fucking travesty. There was no complicated choreography or weird theatrics — just New Directions letting their très iconique voices shine.

Authentic, stunning and worthy of an appearance at regionals, nay, nationals IMO.

“It’s My Life / Confessions” — Bon Jovi / Usher

This performance will never not make me scream. In case your Glee lore is not up to scratch, this was the episode when Mr Schue’s wife got a job moonlighting as a nurse at William McKinley High School.

The unhinged chicky babe gave the students cracky cold and flu tablets with a heap of pseudoephedrine in ’em, which caused them to perform their mash-ups like their lives depended on it.

Case in point, Finn stomping around the stage like the rent was due. Consider me gagged, nay, gooped. Bon Jovi and Usher could never, I’m afraid.

“If I Die Young” — The Band Perry

I can’t write about this one without crying. ‘Nuff said!

“River Deep, Mountain High” — Ike and Tina Turner

There are, quite simply, one million things I will never forgive Mr Schue for. But not awarding Mercedes and Santana with the Breadstix voucher after this jaw-dropping number is at the top of my list.

To think how difficult this song is to pull off, and they did it so effortlessly. Their voices blended together seamlessly, and their energy was infectious, to say the least.

I honestly need a royal commission into why Quinn and Sam won the duet competition with their deeply mid cover of “Lucky” by Jason Mraz when this kind of talent and passion was in the room.

“Teenage Dream” — Katy Perry

I think this song topped my Spotify Wrapped in, like, 2016 and never has a ditty been more deserving of taking out the top gong.

Blaine put his entire blussy into every single song, but listening to him work his magic in Katy Perry‘s “Teenage Dream” makes my brain feel like it’s being run under cold water. The end result? I’m energised, fresh and clean, but also feel soothed and safe.

It is, quite frankly, one of the best song covers of all time. I’m putting it up there with “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley and “Superstar” by Sonic Youth.