Anyone who is big into astrology knows about Co-Star, the phone app that makes checking your horoscope easy and accurate (well, accurate if you believe in astrology, that is). They’re renowned for their 2019 tone and specific predictions – it was all very “see ya later, Susan Miller” when the app first took off.
However, things have been getting… weird. See, the app sends out “Your Day At A Glance” memos if you activate the push notifications. Sometimes, these are just a series of emojis that hint at what you’re supposed to expect that day, like the fire emoji to signal strife in an area or whatever. But they also send out little pieces of advice or inspirational messages. And those? Well, they’ve been getting fucking batshit of late.
This all started when my sister sent me this:
Ummmmm…. sorry, is someone at Co-Star really on the Big Pharma/anti-vaxx bend right now? Why the fuck would my horoscope need me to research the pharmaceutical industry?
It seemed like a one-off at first – maybe someone on their weekend team was a bit of an anti-vaxx nut and went rogue or something. Until she got this one.
Okay, kind of creepy to be advising someone to manipulate another human being, no? Again – still the weekend, could still be some batshit weekend editor.
Then I started to get them.
Firstly the grammar here is all off. But more importantly – NO IT ISN’T. WHY ARE YOU LYING TO EVERYONE, CO-STAR. And how does this help me in any way? What message is the universe sending me here?
This one is less strange but it’s still… strange. I googled and ‘Self and Others’ and it’s some sort of anti-psychiatry study from 1961? Does Co-Star have a sort of deal with this guy? Is this a cult introduction?
This still wasn’t a story until my colleague Matt Hopkins told me HE has also been receiving the strange messages.
WHY ARE WE GOING TO KARAOKE? WHY ARE WE BEING TOLD TO INVITE PEOPLE TO THIS HYPOTHETICAL KARAOKE SESSION. And once again – what the fucking fuck does this have to do with astrology?
THEN, another colleague Annie sent me this doozy.
I googled Codependents Anonymous – it’s literally a 12-step group for people who struggle with being codependent. What the fuck?
Anyway, it’s a wild ride. If you’ve gotten any weird ones feel free to share them with us, k?Image: Supplied