A casting call for a chocolate commercial has been mercilessly mocked online thanks to an extremely specific and fairly creepy list of attributes required for a young girl to play the lead role.
The call-out came via the Spotlight casting agency in the UK, seeking a girl between the ages of 9 and 11 to appear in a Christmas commercial for Milka chocolate.
Scottish performer Helen Raw clocked the ad and shared a screengrab, telling her followers to “just look at” the wording. Indeed, the whole thing’s a pretty wild bloody ride.
Just look at this casting wording for a 9-11 YEAR OLD!! pic.twitter.com/HcQeOhz0eZ
— Helen Raw (@helenraw) August 8, 2019
It specifies that a “beautiful and angelic” girl is needed to play a character named Mia, who must be no taller than 4ft4 and who “MUST BE SWEET AND INNOCENT, STILL A LITTLE GIRL.”
“Eye colour and hair colour are not important but no red hair,” it continued. “She must be very small and child like. She is very special. She must NOT have reached puberty.”
“She MUST be very experienced,” the call continues, “a brilliant actor”, because apparently no less than a junior Helen Mirren will be suitable to sell this particular brand of chokky.
It’s here where things take a very peculiar turn, as the ad goes on to list Mia’s various attributes, likes, obsessions, hopes and dreams. Basically, they seem to be casting the quirky female lead in a romantic comedy, except in the form of a nine-year-old kid:
“At first glance, nothing special at all, but when you look at her more closely, it’s impossible not to notice she’s truly remarkable: small but graceful, fragile but elegant. Thoughtful dark brown eyes, silk soft hair with a smile, so powerful, it s contagious. Beautiful in her own simplicity. A bright & witty girl with a tremendous passion for music (her favourite song is ‘Heroes‘ from David Bowie) and writing her own short, diary-like stories. One of her biggest dreams is to travel to the Amazon and help save endangered sloths.”
You can see the rest below:
The Spotlight agency clearly started getting some weird responses to the casting call once it went viral, as they sent out a memo chastising people for their “stupid” suggestions and urging them to “PLEASE READ THE BREAKDOWN.”
“I am wondering if some of you are making stupid suggestions who are entirely the opposite of the brief on purpose,” they wrote, adding “no overweight children as this is advertising chocolate.”
A short time later, perhaps sensing the incoming shitstorm, Spotlight took to social media to announce that they have “worked with the casting director” and Actors Equity to “comprehensively amend” the breakdown.
Hi Will, since this was posted we have worked with the casting director and @EquityUK to comprehensively amend the breakdown. If you have any other concerns please do email email@example.com
— Spotlight (@SpotlightUK) August 9, 2019
The ad seems to have been amended various times since them, removing some of the creepier dating profile-esque language and the “no redheads” clause along the way.
“Seriously, I want to see a really angry ginger kid rocking this role,” wrote Helen Raw in a follow-up Tweet. Honestly, we could get behind that.
Image: iStock / evgenyatamanenko
— Helen Raw (@helenraw) August 9, 2019