Barack Obama Slams Ellen’s Oscars Selfie As “Pretty Cheap Stunt”, Imposes Sanctions On Russia

When he wasn’t ordering increased economic sanctions on influential senior Russian financial and government officials and authorising potential further sanctions on key sectors of the country’s economy as Russia charges ceaselessly forward toward the total annexation of Crimea from Ukraine, Barack Obama went on Ellen overnight to label the infamous record breaking Oscars selfie “a pretty cheap stunt”.

“I heard about that. I thought it was a pretty cheap stunt myself. Getting a bunch of celebrities in the background, yeah, feeding them pizza, yeah,” said Obama.
Continued Obama, noted selfie fiend, “The Russian people need to know and Mr Putin needs to understand that Ukrainians shouldn’t have to choose between the West and Russia. We want the Ukrainian people to determine their own destiny.”
“That can only happen if Russia also recognise the rights of all Ukrainian people to determine their future as free individuals and as a sovereign nation. Rights that people and nations around the world understand and support,” he told Degeneres as she danced with wild abandon up and down the aisles, presuming she was listening and provided she was watching a totally separate press conference that occurred later that day. 
He also talked to Ellen about the looming Obamacare deadline, walking his dogs and eating healthily in Michelle’s absence, and the inaccurate portrayal of Washington on House of Cards
Everything in balance.