So after nearly 20 years in the spotlight, Dora The Explorer is finally hitting the big screen in a live-action feature-length film. Despite the fact that the show is old enough to drink, the film is still a very G-rated kids movie, but it appears a Hollywood reviewer didn’t understand that bit.

Todd McCarthy, a film reviewer for The Hollywood Reporter has had his ass handed to him for his take that is being referred to as “the creepiest review ever”. This guy has been reviewing for decades but apparently never got the “kids movies aren’t supposed to be sexy” memo. Hmm… strange.

“There’s a palpable gap you can’t help but notice between the essentially innocent, borderline-pubescent nature of the leading characters and the film itself and the more confident and mature vibes emanating from the leading actors,” McCarthy writes in the viral review.

But he didn’t stop there. He continued his review, complaining that the film is targeted to children and not fully grown adult men. Shocking, right?

“The director seems to be trying to keep the hormones at bay, but there are some things you just can’t disguise, perhaps human nature first and foremost. Dora seems committed to projecting a pre-sexualised version of youth, while throbbing unacknowledged beneath the surface is something a bit more real, its presence rigorously ignored.”

PSA: please don’t use the word “throbbing” in a review of a children’s film. Or… ever. Throbbing is a gross word and I would like it to be banned.

McCarthy reckons the release is too “squeaky clean” for his liking, which is what I like to call a “children’s movie” that is “aimed at children”.

Honestly, as a HUGE Dora sweater myself, I’m convinced this man has never actually seen the show. Considering Mr McCarthy is a 70-year-old man who wasn’t exactly the target demographic of the OG show either, I’m not shocked he didn’t love it. But his hot takes are a little fucked if you ask me.

“In essence, every dramatic goal is achieved far too easily, every opponent is ultimately made of straw. The characters are never truly challenged, as if the filmmakers are afraid that any credible peril might prove too frightening for some little kid. There’s nothing remotely akin to Bambi’s mother’s death here to disturb any youngster’s sleep.”

Ummm… yep. That’s kinda the whole premise of the show. Dora goes on a lil bit of an adventure, nothing all that bad ever happens and she sings some bangers. That’s it.

Twitter went absolutely WILD after the review went live:

Can men in Hollywood stop saying weird shit about young girls, please?

Image: Dora And The Lost City Of Gold