Stop whatever you’re doing because Paris Hilton has released a cooking video on YouTube and it is EVERYTHING.

Honestly, I think we should call the Oscars and demand they add this cinematic masterpiece into the nominations. What award, you ask? All of them.

The video, entitled “Cooking With Paris” features Paris herself cooking her “infamous” (her words, not mine) lasagne.

As the chief lasagne-maker of my friends group, I take this shit very seriously, so naturally I was curious as to how Paris herself makes lasagne.

In what can only be described as The Simple Life meets Martha StewartParis welcomes everyone to the show with her beloved sous chef Diamond Baby Hilton.

She starts off by boiling her lasagne sheets, which she instructs not to break in half.

“Don’t break them in half, it just ruins the lasagne vibe.”

Wearing her “chef gloves”, Paris talks the audience through her lasagne recipe, which includes a monstrous five tubs of ricotta cheese.

“Don’t use this much, it’s way too much.”

Next, she browns the mince to help “make it tan”, before throwing salt all over her kitchen.  But it doesn’t stop there, she then uses paper towel (dampened with bottled water) to “dab” the excess salt off the meat.

Not to mention, this whole time she’s using what I can only assume is the entire contents of her utensils draw to destroy the half-cooked meat.

“I don’t know if I have the right cooking utensil.”

I met you’re wondering where the onion and garlic is at this point? Well folks, despite having it on hand, she simply decided her presumably bland lasagne just didn’t need it.

Instead, she grabs her “unicorn mist” and gives herself a good ol’ spritzing.

The video has amassed an astronomical 794,000+ views since January 13, and I swear only like 200k of them are my own.

I have watched this video a ridiculous amount of times and I still cannot figure out whether she’s taking the piss, or whether this is a serious cooking video.

“Lasagne is like, very hard to make. Well actually I don’t think it is, but people think it is. But it’s actually really fun and really easy.But I guess it is a lot of steps compared to like making toast or something.”

My brain hurts.

“So that’s how you cook Paris lasagne.”

I legitimately cannot decide whether or not this is satire. Watch it for yourself, you *probably* won’t regret it.

Image: YouTube / Paris Hilton