An Argentinian Player Tore His Anus During The World Cup Semi-Final

Sport is a wildly unpredictable marvel. If it weren’t proven before, it sure as hell is now. Just when you thought it was safe to lock in Brazilian star Neymar‘s horrific broken vertebra as the worst injury of the World Cup, along comes the revelation that Argentina‘s Javier Mascherano somehow managed to tear his anus during his semi-final matchup against Netherlands.

Yes, you read that right. He tore his anus. Ripped his bum. Blew out his pooper. Ruptured his sphincter. Busted his backside. The brown highway is undergoing roadwork. You get the idea.
The injury occurred late during semi-final, in which Argentina were victorious over the Netherlands 4-2 on penalties, when Mascherano lunged to tackle Arjen Robben, saving what could potentially have been a match winning shot. Mascherano was already suffering from a suspected concussion sustained earlier in the match; he’d chosen to play on despite all medical wisdom suggesting that a suspected concussion should end your match no matter what.
When asked to explain his injury to journalists, Mascherano was remarkably candid:

I tore my anus. That’s why I was in so much pain. I don’t want to sound crude, but that’s what happened.

Photo: Ian MacNicol via Getty Images.