Australia is well acquainted with the story of Lee de Paauw, the 18-year-old Far North Queenslander who took it upon himself to badger a real, live crocodile in the interests of impressing a young woman. We lived. We laughed. We learned (except for de Paauw).
America? Not so much. As it so happens, their equivalent of FNQ – Florida, of course – cooks up enough in the way of alcohol-fuelled reptilian mishaps to keep the entire nation occupied.
While he couched his bit with the typical “ha ha, spiders” schtick you’ve likely sat through a thousand times, he did explain “what pisses me off is idiots like this are the reason people think Australia is dangerous.”
Chieng reckoned “my point is Australia can be dangerous, if you’re a dumbass. But everywhere is dangerous if you’re a dumbass. A car wash can be dangerous if you’re a dumbass.” To this, we say: true.
However, the bloke also managed to squeeze in some more specific Aussie wisdom. The young fella whose arm was nearly torn right off was fuelled by “ten cups of goon,” and it was up to Chieng to explain the most prototypical of bad decision-making ‘Strayan beverages.
“An an Australian, let me translate that for you. ‘Goon’ is Australian for ‘boxed wine’, and ‘ten cups’ is Australian for ‘light refreshment.'”