2013 Golden Globes Nominations Announced, And None For Matthew Weiners, Game Of Thrones

Aziz Ansari, Olivia Wilde, and Zoe Saldana woke up preposterously early in the AM to announce the nominees for the 71st annual Golden Globe Awards in Los Angeles overnight so thank them now for getting to bed at a reasonable hour Wednesday night to wake up in time to perform this super important service for us all.

As is tradition, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association made some decisions fluctuating between egregious, puzzling and questionable that seem again to completely disregard the standard metrics of TV criticism in favour of  recognising anything new, shiny, or sexy that hasn’t had time to dull before our very eyes yet. The most confounding of which was the HFPA’s decision to say and none for Matthew Weiners, bye and completely lock out Game Of Thrones and Mad Men to recognise one solid season each of House Of Kevin Spacey and Masters Of Sexy Sexy Times. Can we send dragons to set the HFPA head office on fire?

In cinema, 12 Years A Slave and American Hustle lead all comers with seven nominations apiece and both look locks to dominate the Best Drama and Best Musical or Comedy categories respectively. In the acting categories a bunch of talented famous people were nominated for roles they performed admirably but all you need to know is that our Cate Blanchett netted yet another Best Actress nod for her masterful turn in Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine. The other nominees don’t exist.

And even though Jon Hamm is probably punching a wall with his penis in a basement somewhere right now, it would be negligent of us to omit the fact that there were also some pleasing inclusions in the nominations mix this year. Shout outs are in order. Specifically to House of Cards supporting acting Corey Stoll whose heartbreaking execution of the holy shit my life is completely fucked and I have no idea what to do about that face adequately made up for every time Kevin Spacey broke the fourth wall and clumsily lumped some exposition on us, and to the intriguing Orphan Black lead Tatiana Maslany for playing like 1,000 different roles in the same series with such swagger, panache and nuance that we’re still not sure what country she’s from and were never once confused or distracted whenever she played off against herself.  

Whatever, it doesn’t really matter who wins these anyway because the real winner here is us for getting the chance to spend 2-3 hours with our sidesplitting gal pals Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

The nominees in full below…

Best Motion Picture, Drama
12 Years a Slave
Captain Phillips

Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
American Hustle
Inside Llewyn Davis
Wolf of Wall Street

Best Director – Motion Picture
Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity
Paul Greengrass, Captain Phillips
Steve McQueen, 12 Years a Slave
Alexander Payne, Nebraska
David O. Russell, American Hustle

Best TV Series, Drama
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
The Good Wife
House of Cards
Masters of Sex

Best TV Series, Comedy
The Big Bang Theory
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Modern Family
Parks and Recreation

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 years a Slave
Idris elba, Mandela
Tom Hanks, Captain Phillips
Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
Robert Redford, All is Lost

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Christian Bale, American Hustle
Bruce Dern, Nebraska
Leonardo Dicaprio, Wolf of Wall Street
Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis
Joaquin Phoenix, Her

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
Sandra Bullock, Gravity
Judy Dench, Philomena
Emma Thompson, Saving Mr. Banks
Kate Winslet, Labour Day

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Bradley Cooper, American Hustle
Michael Fassbender, 12 Years a Slave
Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
Daniel Bruhl, Rush
Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine
Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle
Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave
Julia Roberts, August Osage County
June Squibb, Nebraska

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Michael Sheen, Masters of Sex
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
James Spader, The Blacklist

Best Actor, TV Series Comedy
Jason Bateman, Arrested Development
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Michael J. Fox, The Michael J. Fox Show
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Best Actress in a TV series, Drama
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black
Taylor Schilling, Orange is the New Black
Kerry Washington, Scandal
Robin Wright, House of Cards

Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Lena Dunham, Girls
Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-series, or TV Movie
Jacqueline Bisset, Dancing on the Edge
Janet McTeer, The White Queen
Hayden Panattiere , Nashville
Monica Potter, Parenthood
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Mini-series or TV movie
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Rob Lowe, Behind the Candelabra
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Corey Stoll, House of Cards
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan

Best Actor in a Mini-series or TV movie
Matt Damon, Behind the Candelabra
Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
Chiwetel Ejiofor, Dancing on the Edge
Idris Elba, luther
Al Pacino, Phil Spector

Best TV Miniseries or Movie
American Horror Story: Coven
Behind the Candelabra
Dancing on the Edge
Top of the Lake
White Queen

Best Original Song – Motion Picture
“Atlas,” The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
“Let It Go,” Frozen
“Ordinary Love,” Mandella
“Please Mr. Kennedy,” Inside Llewyn Davis
Sweeter Than Fiction/One Chance – Taylor Swift

Best Original Score – Motion Picture
All Is Lost
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
The Book Thief
12 Years a Slave

Best Foreign Language Film
Blue Is The Warmest Color (France)
The Great Beauty (Italy)
The Hunt (Denmark)
The Past (Iran)
The Wind Rises (Japan)

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Spike Jonze, Her
Bob Nelson, Nebraska
Jeff Pope Steve, Philomena
John Ridley, 12 Years a Slave
David O. Russell and Eric Singer Warren, American Hustle

Best Animated Feature film
The Croods
Despicable Me 2