I Pretended To Be A Uni Student For A Day To Eat Dining Hall Food & Regret Absolutely Nothing

Dining hall food.

I never thought I’d have to pretend to be a uni student just to taste a home-cooked meal, but here I am… And now, I would do it again if I could your honour. If it pleases the court, in my defence I couldn’t take eating one more ‘food’ item out of a packet.  

If you’re still a uni student (I’m so jelly), here’s a saving grace that could have you swapping gluggy takeaway to actually edible five-star meals.

University accomodation
How do you study again?

Turns out there’s actually a place where you get to say, “Lemme just ask my chef what we’re having for dinner.” It’s kinda like having your very own Alfred from Batman, except if you’re in Sydney, yours is called Jack, and if you’re in Melbourne, yours is called Fabrizio.

After sneaking into Scape (a uni accom) with notebook and pen in hand (because that’s what students do right?), I followed my nose to where the delicious smells were wafting from. Blending in with my fellow students, we lined up at the dining hall discussing how my last exam was like a total fluke. (Which I totally took…)

University accomodation food.
Two minute noodles who?

What I saw before me felt like I stepped into an aeroplane, flying to different countries for their mouthwatering cuisine. Asian cuisine was a special part of our journey as our in-house chef takes inspiration from his heritage, dishing up rice-focused meals on the plate. Travelling a few stops over, it felt like you were on a gondola ride along the canals in Italy as you twirled the ragu on your fork. (I’m already planning to sneak back for their fire taco night, but don’t tell them I told you that.)

There was also a pancake machine, an ice cream machine, a dessert bar, fruit salad, salads (that aren’t just ‘garden’) and a sandwich bar. Did I mention the pancake machine yet? Once you’ve gauged yourself silly, you can wash everything down with fresh juice, a hot beveragino and lollies (to help you ‘study’ ofc.)

Could we have some privacy please…

Feeling stuffed to the brim at this point, I was then rolled to the gym, where I then worked out/fell asleep on the equipment. Giving up on that attempt, I then waddled over to where I should’ve been in the first place,— the cinema, to have a nap. If you do somehow have energy after eating a meal that dang good, I would recommend the gaming room to play some XBOX or PlayStation. Or, try your hand at at a game of pool while your laundry is being washed.

The next day after sleeping in the single studio, double studio and then the double share room I tried to sneak into their events program. Unfortunately at that stage, they were pretty suspicious of my PEDESTRIAN.TV University qualifications. So instead I went to go relax in one of their study rooms and got that one ‘assignment’ I’ve been procrastinating out of my way.

Leave me here to rot in my food coma

BUT WAIT, what is this exclusive club called I hear you ask? You didn’t hear it from me, but the secret code is called Scape Eats and it’s exclusive to Scape Darling House, Scape Victoria Street (which has just been built) and Scape Lincoln College that only offers brekky to get you ready for all the ‘studying’ you’ll do that day. Giving you a VIP pass to all the food, drink and extra study space you could ever dream of, which the plebs just don’t have access to. Talking about plebs, I also tried to join the Scape Eats program, but alas, I got rejected because I’m not a uni student… you lucky things!

*PS: Sneaking in was done by a trained professional with permission, do not attempt at home without enrolling first in one of Scape’s 35 properties across NSW, VIC, QLD and SA.

My precious… 2AM lil treaty.