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Ah, the humble road trip. It makes sense this activity has grown to become an Australian past time given our country’s boundless plains to share (not to mention, y’know, the offensive cost of domestic airfares).
Given our population’s proclivity to stuff some junk in our car’s trunk, in addition to heading into #FestivalSeason, we thought we’d have a look at the good, bad and downright annoying folks we’ve all hit the road with.
Buckle up, fam.
THE MUSIC HOG
“ERMERGARD, GUYS. BANGER ALERT!” cries Melissa from the front seat of the car. “ARE YOU PARTY PEEPS READY FOR THIS FIRE AF TRACK?!”.
The rest of the car roles their eyes. Their hype levels are on par with that of a wholemeal Salada cracker. No, they’re not ready for Melissa’s “FIRE AF” track, but the battle to put something more suitable to the vehicle’s current ambience is too much of an uphill battle. Everything, and we literally mean EVERYTHING, is bigger than big to Music Hoggers like Melissa. If you try and withhold music privileges from her, there will be tears. If you try and suggest a song to put on next, there will be tears.
When will Melissa understand that sharing is caring?
THE SEAT RECLINER
Joe belongs to the sect of truly despicable humans that have their seat in the recline position for as long as their physically allowed on a long haul flight. The Seat Recliner cares not for how tall the poor bastard is behind them – their comfort is, to them at least, the most important thing in the world.
Disgustingly, this behaviour isn’t segregated to aviation travel. During road trips, people like Joe SOMEHOW manage to find their way to the front passenger seat where they (of course) recline the chair so far back that it goes onto Susan’s lap (mmm, no thanks…).
“Dude, I’m just trying to catch up on some sleep. Can you, like, chill out?” says Joe to his constricted pal behind him who’s finally had enough.
Ummmm, Joe, can you, like, stop existing?
THE ‘GRAMMER
Three people stand on the sidewalk silently watching the atrocity that’s unfolding in front of them. Whitney, a well recognised ‘woo girl’ and social media fiend is taking a barrage of solo selfies out of the stationary car’s sun roof.
“YASSSSSSSSSSSS,” she screams. “The lighting is THAT good, omfg.”
Whitney cares not for the traffic that’s worsening as the minutes pass by – she has 800 hungry followers who simply *need* to see this trip played out bit by bit.
“Can one of you take a pic of me from where you are???? Just try and stand a little up the hill – don’t want to look like I have, like, a double chin LOL.”
One of the bystanders agrees with a silent nod. Their objection to such a shocking activity would only cause further delays.
THE LEECH
Although having not chipped in a cent for the first half of the trip’s petrol, Elliot STILL has the nerve to ask his mate to buy him a choc milk. Besides his snack selection acutely displaying how truly childlike he is, the crew at large are blown away by just how ignorant he is to his leech-like behaviour.
“C’mon, man,” Elliot begs of his friend. “It’s only three bucks.”
After having his pleas rejected three times, Elliot loses his temper.
“Are you fkn serious? Remember when we were at Macca’s and I bought you that burger?”
The instance in which Elliot is citing occurred three years prior, and the person who’d been bought the burger transferred him cash on the spot – the joint simply didn’t have cash.
THE GLAMPER
For whatever reason, Georgia feels compelled to pack enough in her luggage to survive a Thunderdome-esque breakdown of society at large – and look fabulous while doing so. Georgia has not only claimed the ample boot space for her luggage, but also the comfort of an entire car load’s worth of people who now have to sit with bags atop their legs during that day’s six hour commute.
Georgia, realising the error of her ways, begins apologising profusely – she simply didn’t want to be caught unprepared at their destination.
The rest of them are still scratching their heads as to why she might need to be prepared for a black tie gala (given the contents of her bags) when they’re heading to a festival…
Oh, Georgia. Never stop being such a #GLAMAGAL.
THE TOILET NEEDER
Regardless of the situation, there is always, ALWAYS, one person in a car trip with the bladder capacity of a recently birthed infant.
“Sorry guys…” says Kylie in a hesitant whisper. The rest of the car erupts in screaming.
“SERIOUSLY?!”
“YOU JUST WENT TEN MINUTES AGO!”
Kylie knew their reaction would be bad, but not this bad. She slowly slips her recently-drunk water bottle into her jacket pocket as the yelling continues, praying to the road trip gods that the car’s crew don’t catch her wet handed.
Yes, we’re sure you would’ve been driven crazy by the antics of most folks described in this article. Might be worth trying to hunt down someone who won’t irritate you to no end on your next trip?
The Ford Escape‘s features perfectly offset the annoying things humans do while on a road trip. Learn more HERE.
Photo: Wayne’s World.
