Involuntary turds are the worst so please, only continue reading if you think you have the guts, metaphorical balls and abiding bladder to take on the extreme activities South Africa has to offer.

That being said, the spectrum of the country’s adrenalin activities are far and wide, so don’t be deterred if you’re the type to go on an upside down rollercoaster but wanna vom at the thought of jumping upside down off a bridge.

Besides, with a backdrop sexier than Taylor Hanson post-puberty, it’d be rude not to take on the outdoor activities that let you experience exactly that in all its glory. Whack on your adult nappy and let’s find at least one thing that your bumhole can handle.

1. TAKE ON THE WORLD’S HIGHEST COMMERCIAL BUNGEE
More info HERE.

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Bloukrans Bridge Bungy (that’s how the company spells it, so sue me) is recognised as the world’s highest commercial bridge bungy at 216 metres above the Bloukrans River. Even just walking across the bridge is a touch shit-inducing, which is a good backup option if you don’t think yo-yoing from your ankles is a vibe. But should you find yourself in South Africa and have even a slight interest in doing the jump, you should. Huge bragging rights.

2. HIKE UP LION’S HEAD FOR SUNRISE
More info HERE.

Yes, thank you, I know that hikes are hardly a horror movie but hear me out – take your regular hike then remove all natural light and regular, appropriate walking tracks and people who exercise for fun running past you. Shit’s scary. The payoff is well worth it though (especially if you’ve got enough self-discipline to catch the sunrise) with an unparalleled view of one of the world’s best looking cities waiting for you at the end. (Hint: it’s Cape Town.)

3. CAGE DIVE WITH ACTUAL SHARKS
More info HERE.

If you a) freak out underwater b) have an undying fear of sharks and c) hate feeling trapped in enclosed spaces, shark cage diving is definitely for you! Jokes! You’d fucking hate it. But seriously, talk about a once in a lifetime experience – you’ll almost wanna disregard any lifelong fears you’ve ever had just to be able say you did it. How it works is that you go out on a boat (please, for the love of god, take seasickness medication prior if you’re prone to such hell) and chum – aka bait consisting of fish parts, bone and blood (lovely) – is thrown around the water.

Then you wait for a shark to come and jump into the cage so you can die get up close and personal with nature. Not many people in the world can say they’ve done such a thing.

4. EXPERIENCE A GAME DRIVE
More info HERE.

A game drive (same thing as safari, tomato tomato) might seem fairly tame compared to, you know, jumping upside down off a bridge. Maybe it is. But if you don’t get some kind of rush from seeing animals, in the wild, fighting for prey and prancing around in their natural habitat then you’re a robot. For extra scariness, glamp in one of the national parks. Not much can compare to seeing an elephant in your backyard or re-zipping your tent up several times in the middle of the night thinking a monkey might sneak in. Seriously though: wild experience (pun intended) and I’d do it all again faster than you can say McFlurry.

5. HANG OFF CAPE TOWN’S TABLE MOUNTAIN
More info HERE.

There’s no better way to see a panoramic view of Cape Town than doing it hanging from a rope, with your life in the hands of an instructor you’ve just met. Seriously though, the whole experience is A+ and you’ll kick yourself if you don’t do it. The staff at Abseil Africa reassure you throughout the process, regardless of whether or not you showcase fears through tears (guilty). Hot tip: don’t look around / down until you’ve actually made it over the cliff and you’ll be sweet. DO IT DO IT DO IT.

6. JOIN A CREW FOR SOMETHING CALLED “KLOOFING”

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Kloofing = canyoning and it sounds innocent enough – just some abseiling down uneven surfaces, jumping off rocks, ziplining and swimming through v. cold waters (dependent on what time of year you go, of course – thank god for double wetsuits). Once you get over your initial uptightness it’s a bloody TIME. It mightn’t be something you’d immediately think to do while on holiday but you absolutely won’t regret it.

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Image: Instagram / @tickettoridegroup
This writer travelled to South Africa as a guest of South Africa Tourism.