Unusually for Australian PMs, Malcolm Turnbull has announced that he won’t be residing in Kirribilli House, thanks all the same.
He’ll be staying put in his waterfront Point Piper digs to, ya know, be ‘closer to his grandson’.
Given he’s brushed Kirribilli House, rental company Stayz has done the only sensible thing and listed it.
YES, THEY ACTUALLY PUT IT ON THEIR WEBSITE.
“We hate to see empty houses, and this one’s a cracker,” explains Stayz Marketing Director David Dunstan. “It’s in a prime location, big enough for the whole family, and it’s empty, so why not we say?”
Yes, why fucking not.
The listening describes the property thus:
“A spacious and illustrious home that is steeped in history with beautiful, uninterrupted views Easterly towards Sydney. Will make a fabulous, luxurious getaway for couples, families, and large groups of friends.
“The owner is a busy individual who resides elsewhere in Sydney. Furthermore he is not looking for monetary compensation for staying, therefore only a moderate cleaning fee applies.”
Choose to hang your hat at Kirribilli HQ and you’ll get rolling green lawns…
… high tech security …
…and access to the only flag they’ve got left.
Its features include:
Jacuzzi (fits 12, comfortably fits 9)
48 burner barbie
Friendly, dedicated Secret Intelligence Service professional named Barry.
Wi-fi. Guaranteed quickest in Sydney.
Panic room (code word: “Yodel”)
A big red button.
… and a 12-person Jacuzzi.
Holy fuck, just imagine Tony’s farewell bash.