Burgers, Bull Testicles And Bangin’ Pie: ‘Murica Is Land Of The Food


Pedestrian.TV and Visa have teamed up to ensure you don’t commit the cardinal sin of travelling – being a tourist. It’s not that tourists are bad per se, it’s just that you miss out on bigger and better experiences if you behave like one. Soz-not-soz.

Visa’s #notatourist initiative supplies you with all the content you’ll need to channel your inner local, no matter where in the world you are. The site itself is filled to the brim with inspo, pics and tips from seasoned travellers all over the globe. Check it out and start planning your next adventure.

Semantics matter, people. Being a worldly, knowledgeable traveller > being a uninformed, mistake-makin’ tourist. Ja feel?

It can be highly difficult to pretend that you’re #notatourist when you’re in a country you’ve never visited before; no one likes acknowledging that they have absolutely no idea where to go or what to order. 

So we’ve decided to throw down some ‘Murican food knowledge on ya’ll, just in case you’re sick of accidentally requesting seafood and getting animal testes. Yeah… seriously:
ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS


Be warned; if you order this ‘cocktail dish’ as your entree, you won’t be receiving the aphrodisiac seafood. Rocky Mountain Oysters are peppery deep-fried bull testicles.
HAMBURGER


There are burgers in the US that weigh over 150 kilograms and take 22 hours to make… 
Not a fan of buns? Swap them out for some glazed donuts. Bored with plain beef patties? Get them stuffed with mac ‘n cheese. There’s even a joint that serves their burger with the warning ‘may cause temporary blindness’ it’s that spicy. Only in America, people. Only in America. 
   
KOOLICKLES

If you see jars of pickled objects in a bar in the ~Deep South~, these are not roasted capsicums or sundried tomatoes for your antipasto plate. There’s a high chance they’re Koolickles – pickles, that have been marinated with Koolaid. Any flavour, but usually raspberry. Raspberry pickles. 
CLAM CHOWDER
You’ve heard the term because of the waiter dude in The Simpsons (or the Soup Nazi in Seinfeld – chowder was a big trend in the 90s), but clam chowder is actually really goddamn delicious, and it takes many different forms depending on where you are in America. ‘New England’ is the most well known – it’s creamy, with potatoes and onions. In Manhattan, it’s usually a clear broth with tomatoes. In Florida, its often spicy, with hot datil pepper. It was literally created so Catholics could have a hearty meal back in the day when they abstained from eating meat on Fridays. You’ll often get ‘oyster crackers’ to chuck in there too, in lieu of croutons.
SALAD
Yeah, even salad is a danger zone, people. ‘But HOW,’ you ask? Because America doesn’t seem to understand what a ‘salad’ is. We are aware that these could actually be reasonably delicious (if slightly seizure-inducing), but we just wanted to give a fair warning that that salad you’re ordering might be a sugary dessert instead of the healthy 4-leaf you’re used to. 
Ambrosia Salad

It’s a ‘holiday fruit salad’, apparently. Maraschino cherries, canned pineapple and mandarins, coconut, marshmallows or marshmallow fluff, and Cool Whip, depending on what recipe you’re looking at. 
Watergate Salad

A ‘side salad’ that is an unsightly green colour. It’s similar to Ambrosia, but with the added nutritional benefit of legume protein. It’s Cool Whip, pistachios/pistachio pudding, canned pineapple, and marshmallows or Marshmallow Fluff. 
CHITTERLINGS

A quick Google search will inform you that Chitterlings ‘smell awful, but taste pretty good’. Just know that Chitterlings – a ‘soul food’ – are the small intestines of a pig, usually boiled or stewed, and sometimes deep-fried. Yep, a small intestine is where your poo chills out before it takes the mighty porcelain plunge. They’re obviously cleaned before you eat them but still… 
KEY LIME PIE
Now, you’re not alone in not knowing what in the everloving fuck a ‘key lime’ is – turns out that it’s a Tahitian lime, the same thing as you get in your G&T’s here in Australia. The creation of the Key Lime Pie is credited to the Florida Keys, where the fruit is naturalised. The Bondi Harvest lads highly recommend you give it a shot; it’s essentially the same thing as a lemon meringue pie, but with the added bitter freshness of that delightfully tangy lime.
Now: you’re #notatourist, you’re a traveller. Go forth and enjoy everything The United States of America has to offer (including the pig intestines) with Visa – it’s money you can’t lose.
Lead image via CKE Restaurants.

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