Brazil Temporarily Safe After Offering Vengeful Mother Earth Automotive Sacrifice

The nation of Brazil is breathing a collective sigh of relief, after threats of annihilation by a caustic, restless Mother Earth were appeased when the maw of the beast opened to accept the sacrifice of a mini-bus, which was swiftly whisked away to have its precious minerals extracted and re-absorbed into the planet’s flesh, calming the blood of an increasingly vicious soul.

The entire country had been gripped with panic over the preceding weeks, as the Brazilian Government repeatedly ignored warnings from Gaia, which boomed down across the countryside from high atop the Christ the Redeemer monument in Rio De Janeiro, where her irritated spirit had taken root to preside menacingly over her landscape, and the people she lets live there; Christ’s face morphing into a foul scowl, mud and sap oozing from his lips, and a swarm of angry bees, flying in a sentry loop, forming a crown of thorns atop his scalp.
Many turned to religious enlightenment as the zero hour grew near; officials doggedly holding to the false belief that they own the land, and not the other way around.
But as the point of no return appeared certain to be crossed, a last minute change of heart was had, and the Government rightfully relented – much to the emotional jubilation of the Brazilian people.
The Government and opposition, in a rare display of bipartisanship, pooled their collective resources together – efforts which were aided by 50 of the nation’s richest people. The combined effort representing unity previously considered unfathomable, and a herculean operation of gigantic proportions ensued, ultimately producing a sacrifice fit to appease the wounded Earth Mother: a 24 seat Toyota Coaster.
In Northern Brazil, the offering was presented. The consumption of it, captured on film, is not for the faint of heart.

We are not the titleholders of the land we occupy, dear friends. We are merely tenants. And our landlord, vicious and cruel, will not tolerate late rent.
via SBS News.

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