That’s right, folks, the world wide web is 30 years old today, and boy has it had a helluva life. It’s seen some incredible highs, and some incredibly crushing lows, but for better and worse, it’s brought the entire world together.
But we’re not here for the highs, we’re here for the sickening, depraved lows. That’s why you clicked, right? Well, let’s get into it then, here’s some of the worst shit the world wide web has birthed during its 30 years of life. Think of it as the ultimate embarrassing birthday speech.
Just a quick word of warning: some of this shit is absolutely rank. I wouldn’t say it’s particularly NSFW, at least in here, but it might not be best for a weak stomach, you know?
Yeah, we’re really diving straight in here, mates.
There’s literally a community of people who store their cum in jars. Some of them even put My Little Pony toys in there. Why? Fucked if I know, but it’s gross as hell.
I’m not going to put pictures in here, because I already feel ill just writing about it, but if you’re curious, here you go.
Chat Roulette / Omegle
The idea behind both of these sites is that it connects you and your webcam to a random stranger who is also using the site and allows you to chat with them.
While the novelty of this was great at first, it didn’t take long for the sites to be completely overrun with dicks. No, I mean actual dicks. The majority of its users now go there exclusively to jerk off for other people.
It was fun while it lasted, I guess.
Remember internet piracy before torrenting was a thing? You probably used a peer-to-peer sharing platform called Limewire or Kazaa or Napster and your computer probably stopped working shortly after.
Back in those days, you had to download files (usually music) individually by searching for what you wanted and sifting through any number of fakes with the same name, like “LiNkOn ParK – NuM [full version 128kbs]” which, if downloaded, were either a completely different song or just straight-up white noise.
But if you did manage to find the right song, there was probably a 70 per cent chance it was packed full of viruses, which was sure to send dad’s blood pressure through the fucking roof.
Lemon Party / Tubgirl / Meatspin
The internet is full of websites which don’t really do much, like the three listed above. Each of those almost innocuous sounding names is actually the domain name for some rather explicit imagery. The entire purpose of them is to display one fucked up picture and that’s pretty much it. Well, one is actually a video, but I’m not telling you which one.
For example, Tubgirl is – Christ, I can’t believe I’m typing this – a young woman in an empty bath, uh… Well, she’s shitting onto her own face. Don’t worry, though, she’s wearing goggles. I’m not going to provide links in here for extremely obvious reasons.
Fun fact: the number of times I’ve had friends over to my house is the exact number of times my browser’s homepage has been changed to any one of these.
There is a lot of porn on the internet, I probably don’t have to spell that out. However, some of that porn is incredibly weird, and a lot of it may be referred to in some way or another with the phrase, “Rule 34”.
The rule itself states that “if it exists, there is porn of it”. Pretty self-explanatory, but it’s less of an actual rule and more of a meme. According to Wikipedia, its exact origin isn’t really known, but it may have come from a webcomic in 2003.
If you’ve ever seen a fucked up drawing of your favourite cartoon characters fucking, chances are at some point, someone commented “Rule 34″ on that image, or even created it because of Rule 34.
The Rule34.xxx website says, “We have pokemon, my little pony, Other hentai, whatever you want,” so there you go.
There are some great memes, sure, but have you ever considered that there are also horrible memes? Allow me to demonstrate.
I’m so sorry.
Two Girls One Cup
A video in which two women – who I assume are very much in love – defecate into a cup and share it amongst themselves for a bit of a treat.
Don’t search for it. You probably don’t wanna see it.
Active from 1996 to 2012, Rotten was a website devoted to the most horrid images you can imagine. Murder scenes, autopsies, dead bodies in all kinds of contexts. It was eventually shut down in October 2014.
I don’t know what the section “boners” was for and frankly, it’s probably for the best.
So this is actually an acronym which stands for “guy opens ass to show everyone,” and wouldn’t you believe it, folks, that’s exactly what he does.
There is one image in particular which was part of a website in much the same way Tubgirl and Co are. I’ve put an image below which will give you an idea of the vibe we’re talking about.
While mostly just a barebones classifieds website for items, jobs, and other boring things, there was once a section devoted to advertising and finding casual sex. Known as “Casual Encounters,” it caused a great deal of controversy and was eventually shut down last year.
Since its inception, the site has been used to facilitate all sorts of awful things, like human trafficking, child abuse, and murder.
The Dark Web
A term used to describe an unsecured part of the internet beneath the surface internet we know. Reachable only via a special browser, The Dark Web is home to drug marketplaces, contract killers for hire, human trafficking, and other illegal content/services.
If you wanna read some fucked up stories from The Dark Web, suss out this Reddit thread.
I could certainly list some more depraved corners of the internet, but It’s probably best I leave it here. Too much of the bad stuff really weighs heavy on the soul.
Happy 30th birthday, World Wide Web, you crazy son of a bitch.Image: Know Your Meme