Mario Kart 64 seems ancient now, but it is still one of the best Nintendo games in history. All other Mario Kart substitutes are inferior. Also, in a very real way, I have never played any other version of Mario Kart.
[jwplayer zIMLNJIX]
I played Mario Kart 64 all through my childhood, and got pretty fucking good at it tbh. Also, all that screen time means I’m very well-versed on the different courses. This is going to be a contentious list because your fave courses really depends on who you played with (Peach) and what cool shit you liked (flying in the air).
10. Royal Raceway
Pretty fucking boring but god-DAMN when you did super mushroom and then sailed off the ramp like an eagle.
9. Rainbow Road
Controversial!!!! But really, besides the multi-colour track and the sheer joy you got if you managed to do that jump where you landed way further down the track, there wasn’t much going on here? It was LONG and semi-boring, especially if you were sailing in front of your opponents (my cousin Tim is absolutely nodding his head right now, fuck you Tim for always nailing the jump).
8. Koopa Troopa Beach
Driving in the shallow water, avoiding palm trees, figuring out that you can jump into that tunnel and cruise through to #1… all a vibe.
7. Sherbet Land
Look, I loved this track for the fun vibes, but I routinely fell in the icy water (you know the bit, don’t make me relive it) so I just can’t take it above #7.
6. DK’s Jungle Parkway
A vibe if just for that terrifying bridge drive.
5. Toad’s Turnpike
The thing with this Mario Kart 64 course is it’s either the best of times or the blurst of times. Absolutely nail a slip around a truck? Fuck yeah, baby! Get continuously crushed by cars? Not a good time.
It had to be included higher up, though, because when you nailed it you were a LORD. A GENIUS.
4. Kalimari Desert
I don’t even know why I love Kalimari Desert so much – I think I enjoy a wild anomaly – like the locomotive that can completely fuck you up if you’re unlucky.
3. Banshee Boardwalk
Spooky! Difficult because half the road hasn’t got rails! This is one of my favourites from Mario Kart 64 because if you can nail a little corner-cutting hop, you can go from 8th place to 1st in one round.
2. Yoshi Valley
Once you know the quickest route, it gets a bit boring. But how fun is not entirely knowing what position you’re in in the race.
1. Bowser’s Castle
My hands-down favourite. The lava moat, the whomp thingies you have to navigate, the many, many perfect spots to drop a banana poo. It’s all here.
