There was a big Pokémon conference today and for the most part, it was really fucking weird, but the weirdest part was the announcement of Pokémon Sleep, which is described as a game you play in your sleep. What the fuck? How?

I don’t entirely understand how it works, but according to the presentation, it’ll “tracks a user’s time sleeping and brings a gameplay experience unlike any other!” What? Fucking how? You are literally sleeping.

There’s a lot we still don’t know about it, but it’s claimed the app will “turn sleeping into entertainment by having a player’s time spent sleeping, and the time they wake up, effect the gameplay.”

Pokémon Sleep is set to launch the same time as the Pokémon GO Plus+, which is a dongley thing that connects to both Pokémon GO and Pokémon Sleep in order to track your fucking sleep patterns. I’m sorry, but that is not a game, let alone gameplay. This is sending me into a goddamn fury.

Unless the dongle has the power to inject Pokémon into your fucking dreams, this just seems like a creepy way of collecting your sleep data. I don’t know what they would want with it, but I’m sure they could find a buyer for it if that’s what they wanted to do.

To celebrate the launch of this glorified sleep tracker, a heap of Snorlax will be around in Pokémon GO if that’s something you’re still playing.

The Pokémon Company also announced a Detective Pikachu sequel for the Nintendo Switch today, which was probably the most normal part of the entire conference.  There’s also a new mobile game coming called Pokémon Masters, which is essentially just battles with various trainers from the franchise.

Lastly, there’s Pokémon Home, which is a hub for storing and transferring game data across platforms.

Image

The incredibly baffling Pokémon Sleep, which I hate, will launch in 2020.

Image: The Pokémon Company