Either there is a glitch in the matrix, or Luigi’s character in the Nintendo Switch version of Super Mario Party is rigged to win.

Almost every single time someone in my group has played as Luigi, they have won. The only time this DIDN’T happen, was with me, but the experience still validated our conspiracy that Luigi is a magical talisman of success, and here’s why.

Now, I don’t know how much you know about Super Mario Party, but it’s basically a virtual board game where you roll a dice, and then move however many spaces depending on the number you roll. You can land on certain spaces that give you bonuses or move you closer to the objective, or other spaces that fuck with you. In between turns, you play mini-games where you earn coins.

The aim of the game is to collect stars, which you can buy with coins. You can also obtain stars through stealing them from others, and you can occasionally find a hidden star by pure luck. This usually happens in the last few rounds, where the stakes are high and someone is close to winning.

I suck at Super Mario Party. Truly abysmal. And this isn’t even a game of skill. The universe has aligned to ruin my relationship with Super Mario Party and fuck with me in the most petty way imaginable, because luck just hates me.

It’s actually a meme in my friendship group now because almost every time I roll the virtual dice, I roll a one. There have been times where throughout the entire two hour game, I have consistently and only rolled a one. The entire fucking game. Yes, I have cried over it. Super Mario Party has definitely humbled me.

It’s gotten to the point where my boyfriend and I will play as a ‘team’ and take turns rolling so it breaks up my streak of ones. Every second turn, he rolls – and lo and behold, it’ll be an eight or a nine. Then he hands the controller back to me, I roll, and…. it’s another fucking one. I’ll cry a little and we move on. And it was always that way, until Luigi entered my life.

We first noticed the pattern when a friend of mine, who is notorious for strategising and consistently winning Super Mario Party, kept playing as Luigi. He’s just weirdly good at this game, but also it seemed that he was getting every bonus too, and those are usually random. They aren’t related to skill.

In the last few rounds, he would just keep on finding stars and winning – it was mind-boggling. Even when we all ganged up on him, he would still come out the other end mostly unscathed, and it was some bullshit.

No one likes a smug winner, so we decided to steal Luigi just out of pettiness. One of my other friends quickly chose him as their character first, and we all laughed and then played as normal. Except, then the friend who played as Luigi also did… surprisingly well??

At first we didn’t think much of it, but eventually we started to notice that whoever played as Luigi would get ridiculous amounts of bonuses in the last round, roll a fairly consistent set of good numbers, and win.

We started to experiment, and it soon became clear that Luigi is rigged – even if you were in the bottom few, in the last round he would randomly find bonus stars and suddenly you were coming first. This happened repeatedly and consistently to the point where it wasn’t even a conspiracy anymore. Just straight up facts.

The only time Luigi didn’t lead to a win was when *I* played as him. I was still coming last in the game, because apparently my bad luck is stronger than Luigi’s magic, but in the last few rounds, like clockwork, Luigi yanked those stars out of nothingness and I came… second. Which, for me, is HUGE.

It truly is only the power of Luigi that could give me this kind of advantage in a game so intent on destroying me, and now we know the truth – Luigi is the supreme.

Anyway, Luigi is now banned in my group. Because good things never last. Though, when people eventually pity me for my continuous losing, I sometimes get to play as him again. And yes, he always comes through.