There’s A ‘Fortnite Monopoly’ Now If Rinsing 9-Year-Olds Online Wasn’t Enough

Just on the off-chance you weren’t fully convinced that Fortnite was the burgeoning real-world version of the Tyrell Corporation, there is yet more evidence to suggest the wildly popular free-to-play game is slowly feeding on the lives of the hoards of children it virtually enslaves.

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Fortnite edition of Monopoly has just been released by Hasbro, in collaboration with Epic Games, and promises to extend the game’s vice-like grip on the ever-important market of “literally everyone aged 25 and under.”

The game is on shelves both physical and virtual right now, but rather than a painted-over version of the original, the Fortnite version attempts to hitch on to the wildly addictive aspects of Fortnite‘s Battle Royale mode by turning the tried-and-true real estate trading board game into a completely different thing entirely.

Firstly, for reference, the board:

Filth.

The machinations of the game are thus: Instead of racing to slam as many hotels down on Mayfair as you can, this version of the game is about survival, and outlasting your opponents. You claim locations, battle your mates, and avoid the storm in order to win. Instead of money, you ear HP chips that help you survive. Ahh yes.

There’s loot chests and wall cards instead of Chance and Community Chest, and an 8-sided die to help you battle opponents. And yet despite this, there’s still Go, Free Parking, and Jail involved. How’d you be, folks!

The game is out now; the release timed deliberately to mark the onset of Christmas shopping, meaning there’s gonna be a hell of a lot of teens unwrapping this bad boy come December 25th.

Pray for your retail mates having to deal with this thing flying off the shelf as we all march helplessly t’wards the Fortnite-ruled dystopian future.


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