People’s expectations can be such a drag. Doing spreadsheets because your boss actually expects you to work, obliging to kale because some idiot made it a health trend, or having a shave because somewhere, somehow it was decided that bald bits were hot.
Seriously, what was the last thing you did that wasn’t dictated by expectation? We’re succumbing to the pressure like a hangover to Schitt’s Creek.
With the rise of technology, social expectations make us look even more deplorable than we know we already are. If I have to explain why I’m not following someone back on Instagram or why it took me 2 days, 7 hours and 11 minutes to write back to someone’s text again, I’m going to flip a table.
It’s the latter that I’d like to focus on today — responding to a message on your phone — because the expectation to reply is real in 2021 and really, it’s both physically and mentally dangerous. Whether it’s causing a car accident because you were a tool that looked at your phone while driving or causing sleep problems, added stress and anxiety because you never catch a break from your device’s expectations, it’s gotten to a point where they’re doing more harm than good.
Below is your psychological / behavioural explanation why this thing — known as “telepressure” is messing with your life in more ways than one.
It’s an IRL replacement
Some would argue we communicate more on our devices than face-to-face, so its a case of social-life transference. For example, if someone spoke to you (to your face) and you just looked at them point-blank and didn’t respond, that’d be rude. So when you look at their message and simply ignore it for a while, in a lot of ways it’s deemed just as stroppy.
Pedro Diaz, Founder and CEO of the Mental Health Recovery Institute, tells PEDESTRIAN.TV:
“A text is not just a text. It’s communication from someone, and we feel similar to when we are asked a question in social conversations — a need to answer that question. We feel good. We get chemicals released — endorphins and dopamine — because we were able to answer that question.”
Interestingly, in a world of social media, “liking” or emoji-reacting a post is also – to a certain extent – responding. It’s like the technological replacement of a smile or laugh, if you will. You’ve acknowledged but don’t necessarily have anything to say.
It’s not you, it’s them
Larissa K. Barber, a Northern Illinois University psychology professor, says that pressure to respond to texts “is most likely a manifestation of a very healthy — and somewhat universal — desire to develop and maintain healthy social relationships”.
Sounds innocent enough, except for that it’s also “a problematic psychological experience that can come from good intentions to maintain positive relationships with others.”
What heightens this? Some apps let us know when someone’s seen our message, making the burn a little greater when they don’t reply. Everyone wants to be well-liked, and when you’re someone who sees or hears something but doesn’t acknowledge it, you can feel as though you’re jeopardising your chances.
You’re too available
We’ve always got our phones on us but this techy addiction has come around to bite us. If you get an email after hours? You’re somewhat expected to have seen it. If you get a text during work hours? You’re pretty much expected to have seen it. Quite the predicament, no?
Unfortunately, being on call 24/7 can be problematic, with burnout, sleep problems and stress arising as a result. The less you use that bad boy, your social, mental and physical wellbeing will improve.
For example, if you’re always scrolling on TikTok, and your mates know that, then they’ll be weirded out when you don’t respond to their texts. But if you’re one of those people who puts your phone on Do Not Disturb at night, or who turns your phone off while driving (good person), your friends will expect less of you when it comes to responding.
What I’m really trying to say here though, is that no matter what it is, it can wait. Is staying connected on your phone really worth feeling anxious, causing havoc in your social circles and having a grossly imbalanced life? I’ll give you a hint: the answer’s no.
