HOLY SHIT: Apple Has Unveiled 3 Incredible iPhones & Sign Us The Hell Up

Welp, here we are folks. After a fuckload of speculation, Apple have now announced 3 new iPhones and luckily for you, I’ve been up since 3am getting all the juicy details.

Here’s what’s coming our way.

iPhone 8 & 8 Plus

Straight off the bat, these are essentially updated iPhone 7s and 7 Plus’. They both feature a glass front and back with an aluminum highlight. Both models will come in 3 colours: silver, space grey and gold.

Of course, Apple reckon they’ve used the most durable glass ever, but we’ll just bloody see about that. No glass knows the strength of a drunken bender.

Both are water and dust resistant. The 8 Plus features a 5.5 inch retina display and the 8 has a 4.7 inch display. It’s packing new stereo speakers that are 25% louder than the iPhone 7 and, as many expected, the iPhone 8 will feature wireless charging.

The new chip in these bad boys is the A11 Bionic and without going into all the nerdy shit, it’s pretty impressive and much faster than its predecessor.

The iPhone 8 has a single 12MP camera and the 8 Plus has 2 with a bunch of new sensors. All this boils down to better colours and lower noise in your photos and videos, as well as some fancy new lighting effects.

Apple have been working hard on augmented reality, too, showing an impressive demo of an AR game called The Machines. AR is a feature that will be utilised a lot by the company in the future, so expect more to come.

The iPhone 8 comes in two sizes – 64GB and 256GB, the former costing $1,079 AUD and the latter, $1,229 AUD. Orders for the devices start on September 15 and ship on September 22. You can cop iOS 11 on September 19.

iPhone X

He did it! He did the “one more thing” thing!

Yep, the souped-up iPhone X is here and it looks exactly like the leaked images you’ve seen recently. It has an edge-to-edge display with glass on both the front and back. Like the iPhone 8, the X is also water and dust resistant. It’ll be available in space grey and silver.

The screen is an impressive 5.8 inch Super Retina Display, which is essentially a fancy OLED display with HDR and 3D Touch.

As rumoured, the home button has been ditched. Swiping up is the new home button and the phone will unlock with your face. Yeah, you read that right, it recognises your face. They call it Face ID and it uses the new 3D camera to sense when you’re looking at it to unlock. Insanity.

They reckon this technology is far more secure than Touch ID and only stores your facial data on the phone.

As we covered recently, the new phone will indeed feature Animojis, which are exactly what they sound like – animated emojis controlled by your own facial expressions. Seeing them used is insanely fucking cool, man.

They’ve extended the AR kit on the iPhone X and demonstrated its capabilities with Snapchat by applying a mask filter that looks ridiculously lifelike. This one’s gonna be a game changer, folks.

It has dual 12MP cameras stacked vertically with dual optical stabilisation. So if you’re a shaky photographer, this will be a huge advantage for you.

The battery will last 2 hours longer than the iPhone 7 and will also feature wireless charging. You can get it in both 64GB and 256GB sizes.

It’ll be available to order on October 27 and ships on November 3rd. The 64GB model will cost $1,579 and the 256GB is $1,829. Yikes.