One time, I wrote an embarrassing notes-app list of all those things that make you feel like your shit is together. It consisted of gold jewellery, perfume, a manicure and of course, matching underwear.
If you don’t wear bras, you won’t get the wonders that wearing a matching set can work. It’s like that meme about when Shania Twain says ‘Let’s Go Girls’ — you feel like you can kick a door off its hinges. The power goes right to my head!
The shame is, as good as it is, I rarely do it. So, when the chance came up for me to wear some Bras N Things sets for a week straight to see if it would get my shit together, I jumped. In fact, I would have tackled my colleagues for it. (I am choosing not to read into why I was chosen for ‘get your shit together’!)
The timing also couldn’t have been better because my sets arrived on the last day of my nasty COVID isolation. I was ready to emerge as a butterfly and get my life back on track. So, in the words of our lord and saviour Shania, let’s go girls…
Day one
To ease into this experiment, I started with this nice nude number. I wanted to ramp up all the vibrant and sexy vibes as the week went.
To set the scene, I was a walking troll on the last day of isolation. My apartment was a pigsty, work had been busy and I was ready to cleanse and get outta my place.
Chucked on this set and got properly dressed (!!!) for the first time that week. Thought I might as well throw on a white dress seeing as I had these on — when in Rome, you know. Didn’t recognise myself and got some social interaction. It was a solid slow start, considering my apartment was still a mess.
Day two
Did I go to the gym, mop and do loads of washing? I sure did. My shit appeared to be slowly coming together. I had grand visions of doing this challenge and suddenly going on five dates a week or out on the town. So, with that goal in mind I did feel a little bummed when I decided to have a night at home instead of going to the pub. But, it was actually a huge boundary moment for me and my rubber arms.
I needed to get my shit together in a different way — I was still recovering from COVID and was going to have the apartment to myself for a night, so it was the golden opportunity to actually relax and take it easy. I had the shower. You know the one; you shave everything, exfoliate, wash your hair, do a hair mask — the whole nine-yards.
That’s when I got out maybe my fave of these sets — hot pink with lace and high-waisted knickers. Yes, I wasn’t going anywhere, but boy did it feel like I was the main character in a rom-com. Would I meet the love of my life waltzing into Domino’s to pick up my pizza? Maybe (no). But it sure felt like a possibility.
Day three
Well, well, well, today I decided to get up and go to the gym. For those keeping count, that is indeed twice in two days — I am an athlete. Was this cutie little gingham bra and g-banger the most comfortable choice for a workout? Absolutely not. Did I feel like I was better than everyone else in the gym? You betcha. You take the wins.
I also picked up a HDMI cord I have needed for over six months and put an extension cord in the kitchen where I’ve annoyingly been unplugging the blender to use the toaster. Who is she??? Is this coincidence??? Placebo???
Day four
Ok slight hurdle today because I have never had one of these harnesses before. They rarely come in my size, so it was a nice little treat. It took more brain power to put on than I’m proud of, but the ensemble as a whole was cute AF for a pale girlie like me. So much so that I flashed myself in my bathroom mirror halfway through the day, just ‘cos I wanted to see the gals in this blue number again. Sue me!
Out of the blue (ha) but I had therapy today. And, because I treat it like I’m testing out a tight-five, I did a big bit about how I’m wearing matching sets this week to try and get my shit together. A look of horror washed over my therapist’s face: “What?”
She couldn’t believe it and, understandably, given what she knows. But just like I do with my personal trainer, I killed some time with surface-level nonsense before she finally forced me back into the hard stuff.
But hey, I went to therapy, had a doctor appointment and then saw my parents all in one day. A weekday, mind you. What a grown-up.
Day five
Got a sauuucy number on today. I wore this one to the office and let me tell you, I felt like Carrie Bradshaw’s bogan cousin traipsing through the CBD. (Dun, dun, dun, dun dun…I’ll stop.)
Also, to really test my new power, I was walking on a path when a man in a suit was coming my way. I stood strong and did not move out of a his way! As a serial people-pleaser, this was ‘uge for me.
Day six
Rocked this feminine white set underneath an all-black outfit today as a fun little secret. Today, I dug out my Apple watch that I have not worn in a whole year to try and get my shit back on track. Sadly, I did not close my rings (I’m only human), but it’s a good start, right?
Day seven
Wore this sexy black set for the final day because I’m in mourning. My shit is definitely more together than it was at the start of this week. Although look, it’s not a magic wand — I didn’t close close all the rings on my watch, a kid in my building made fun of me for taking three tries to reverse park and I haven’t responded to any social media messages.
However, in all seriousness, this had more of an effect on me than I expected it to. When the week kicked off, I was having a laugh, but as someone who has fluctuated in size between a 14 and a 20, I’ve generally not had access to lingerie like this for a lot of my life. This Big Boob Range is available in stores now, here.
