WATCH: Tipsy Cup-Goer Trying To Hand In A Wallet To A Reporter Is All Of Us

This brief video of a Melbourne Cup-goer attempting to hand a lost wallet to a Channel 9 reporter encapsulates so perfectly each and every facet of when you juuust tip over the edge into “too drunk to function” territory – it’s practically art.

The premise is simple: a woman has a had a few drinks, she spots a wallet, she sees a Channel 9 broadcast team, she puts two and two together and decides that Channel 9 are definitely the only people who can solve this problem.

The beauty though is really in the details, in how well it captures the four key elements of being shadrached:

1. Earnestness: I mean it, no I really mean it. No, I – hey, hey! listen – I mean it. I, man, I, you have to listen, this is important. No, this is serious. I really mean it. OK. I love the film ‘Stealth‘ from 2005.
2. Altruism: If some shit goes down it is absolutely your job to do something about it. Doesn’t matter how little the injustice or how small the wrong, you 100% believe that you are the only person for the job.
3. Wrongness: Why would a Channel 9 reporter be better at returning someone’s wallet? They’re not going to read out the guy’s name on the news and just hope that he hears it. Who cares? You’ve had a few drinks, it kinda makes sense.
4. Daryl Braithwaite’s ‘Horses’: The fourth and most crucial element of being really drunk is Daryl Braithwaite’s ‘Horses‘, and, lo and behold, there it is, softly playing in the background as this bewildered presenter looks around and tries to find some escape from the situation.

Hope that person got their wallet back.