If you’re overly empathetic or openly ambivalent to human suffering, we suggest you turn away now. Watching a clutch of Americans lock their lips on a new Kia Optima in hopes of winning it will either crush your heart, or elicit some kind of capitalistic schadenfreude. Neither are great outcomes.
If you’re still reading, we suppose we should provide some context. At time of writing, about a dozen people are sequestered inside Austin’s Southwest Kia, and they’ve placed their lips on some reasonably-priced sedans. The last person left kissing a car will be handed the keys. And there’s a livestream of the event, capturing all of the cold, metallic action.
The footage is jarring, to say the least. The cars, finished in a deep gloss, seem imbued with some sacrosanct quality – like if the Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey was replaced by sensible South Korean four-doors. Compared to the staff members who are ensuring nobody cheats, the stationary car-kissers seem locked in a variety of worshipful poses.
One kisser, seen in the bottom right of this still, even figured out a reclined pose for maximum endurance:
If you wish to be a voyeur to the ordeal, click here.
