Twitter Is Ferociously Rinsing Turnbull’s “Australian Values” Quip

By

Published

April 20, 2017

In the internet age, particularly on social media where everyone’s a bloody comedian, you cannot use vague, buzzwordy double-speak political phrases and expect to get away with it cleanly.

Malcolm Turnbull‘s little flutter with the phrase “Australian values” earlier this morning might have set the land-speed record for piss-taking after a flurry of Aussie Twitter users just about fell over themselves crafting gags as to what Australian Values™ really are.

For context, Turnbull proposed changes to the Citizenship Test that, among other things, would introduce a “values” section and an English test to proceedings. Not at all the kind of thing you’d propose when you’re shitting your dacks on a daily basis about the right-wing lunatics in your party constantly showing you their knives.

The quote which Turnbull spouted out to press this morning went a little something like this:

“This is defending, reinforcing, Australian values … what we’ve talked about this morning are values that we all agree with. No-one’s suggested that they’re wrong or mistaken. We all agree with them. We’re standing up for Australian values and the Parliament should do so too.”

But what the sodding hell are “Australian values” exactly?

Folks, strap yourselves in. Here come some real good gags.

#AustralianValues
– telling others where speed cameras are
– saying ‘gronk’
– calling Asian service staff ‘boss’
– coward punch

— Lucy Valentine (@LucyXIV) April 19, 2017

Dropping your daks to reveal speedos with the flag of the Islamic country you’re in but also you’re a government adviser #AustralianValues

— Mark Di Stefano ???? (@MarkDiStef) April 19, 2017

I’m not racist, but #AustralianValues

— Sally Rugg (@sallyrugg) April 19, 2017

#australianvalues
-shortening all first and last names (jonno, riggsy, simmo)
-approving of other races one friend at a time
-pie

— ?? illy bocean ?? (@IllyBocean) April 19, 2017

Complaining loudly about the quality of coffee overseas#AustralianValues

— Stephen Jeffery (@stephenejeffery) April 19, 2017

sittin down for a couple cigars before announcing a brutal federal budget that affects everyone but you & your class #Australianvalues

— brad esposito (@braddybb) April 19, 2017

Dropping your daks to Eagle Rock #AustralianValues

— Michael Koziol (@michaelkoziol) April 19, 2017

Systematically destroy 200+ indigenous languages, then insist newcomers speak yours (which you’re barely literate in).#AustralianValues

— Craig Andrew Batty (@ResignInShame) April 19, 2017

Have you ever forgotten to declare your 4th investment property? #AustralianValues

— Morwellians (@Morwellians) April 20, 2017

Win power by confecting a budget crisis only to double debt while axing services to the needy & cutting taxes for the rich #AustralianValues

— Mr Denmore (@MrDenmore) April 20, 2017

One Australian Senator owns 33 properties, while 48 millionaires pay no income tax – not even the Medicare levy #AustralianValues

— Richard Di Natale (@RichardDiNatale) April 20, 2017

Using political position to ensure a well paid post career job with a lobby group & not seeing a conflict of interest.#AustralianValues

— Noely (@YaThinkN) April 20, 2017

eating raw onions with the peel still on #australianvalues

— Jess Wheeler (@wheelswordsmith) April 20, 2017

My sister & I spent this morning questioning what #AustralianValues really are. We concluded: racism, sexism & investment properties #auspol

— Samantha Carlson (@samicarlson) April 19, 2017

#AustralianValues
1. Shame women for wearing too little.
2. Shame women for wearing too much.
3. Wax lyrical about gender equality.

— David Lo Pun-ch Nazi (@helpmeskeletor) April 19, 2017

Attacking renewables.
Attacking the environment.
Attacking asylum seekers…#AustralianValues

— Richard Tuffin (@RichardTuffin) April 19, 2017

Building a filthy great coal mine right next door to our most treasured natural wonder…#AustralianValues

— Richard Tuffin (@RichardTuffin) April 19, 2017

Being a millionaire and not paying any taxes…#AustralianValues

— Richard Tuffin (@RichardTuffin) April 19, 2017

Booing Prime Ministers at major sporting events#AustralianValues

— Noely (@YaThinkN) April 19, 2017

And that’s barely scratching the surface of the joy that the #AustralianValues hashtag contains.

It’s a difficult term to define, given that the Government is suddenly trying to anglicise and compartmentalise a culture built on immigration and diversity. If only there were some sort of visual representation that succinctly sums up what Turnbull and Co are aiming for here…