I’m guilty of wearing the same four black t-shirts on rotation for the majority of the year and I’m not even sorry about it. It’s much harder to tell if a black shirt is creased, which means it’s much easier for me to not iron shit.
I’m not even overly fond of the colour black, but if I know one thing about myself, it’s that I’ll always favour convenience over my own personal taste.
I do, however, have a couple of jaunty party shirts that I reserve for weekends, but given I only wear them on special occasions, I never feel inclined to purchase more. So, this is why I have to get creative and fool people into thinking my closet looks like something you’d picture in a Ryan Murphy show.
The trick is to distract everyone with different combos. Switch up your jackets, pants, hats, knee pads, shoes etc, and people won’t even be able to tell you’ve been wearing the same shirt for a month.
Here are some eye-catching pieces that will ensure your secret is safe with…well, you.
TOMMY JEANS
COOL CITY COMPACT BLACK $69.95
You can absolutely get wrecked if you think bum bags aren’t the best thing to happen to fashion since they invented wallet chains.
(Yes, wallet chains also rule, do you know how many wallets I’ve lost since I got a wallet chain? Three. But I would’ve lost far more if I didn’t have my wallet chain.)
Moral of the story here is to invest in a bum bag. They’re distracting, they can hold assorted items such as a list of restaurants you’ve been banned from, and they’re way more convenient than a backpack.
LE SPECS
HOLLOW ROPE SUNGLASSES CHAIN PLATINUM $15
Hello, old friend.
Look, say what you want about sunglasses chains and/or the people who (rightfully) choose to wear them, but they’re practical as hell.
Are you really going to argue with someone who knows they’re careless with their possessions and is taking measures to ensure they don’t lose shit? Really? How petty.
Glasses chain for president.
BRIXTON
FIDDLER CAP BLACK HERRINGBONE $59.95
I’m not the biggest fan of hats, but I am a huge fan of chimney sweep chic.
No seriously, if I spot anyone wearing a fiddler cap in the street, you best believe I’ll be at full-mast. There’s just something about them that scream ‘sexual’ and I will not listen to anyone who thinks otherwise.
LUCK & TROUBLE
People can’t judge your shirt if they can’t see your shirt, wink wink nudge nudge.
Now, I’m a sucker for anything tan (why would you recall that, I wrote that I loved tan once in an article four months ago) and this jacket is no exception.
Are you wearing a black shirt under there? A party shirt? No shirt at all? Who knows, that’s the fun.
QUAY
X BARNEY COOLS OMEN TORT/BROWN $70
I completely fucked up in my early-20s by never investing in a pair of sunnies.
Why didn’t someone tell me how useful they are? Sure, they block out the sun and probably slow down the deterioration process of your corneas, but they can also hide your bag-eyes after a bender and they’re useful for when you hang out with people who make your eyes roll on the reg.
Plus, people will be checking themselves out in the reflection of your sunnies, so they won’t even pay attention to your 12-day-old shirt.
Win-win.
Now, look. There is a chance that you might not even own two party shirts, so, out of the goodness of my own heart, I’ve also sourced a coupla items that you can easily pull off, you stone-cold stud.
COMMON NEED
PARTY ANIMAL SHIRT LEOPARD $79.95
My eyes were transfixed on this shirt as soon as I scrolled over it. I’m tempted to buy the entire line just so I can be the only one wearing it at all times.
I can be selfish like that. Just don’t start knocking down my door if this shirt mysteriously sells out. It wasn’t me (it was).
THRILLS
ROSE LENS SS SHIRT DIRTY WHITE $89.99
You’ve gotta love the ol’ floral party shirts, purely because it means you’re more likely to find people willing to trade clothes with you at festivals.
My advice to those who do trade clothes at festivals: make sure you’ve got their shirt before you give them yours.
Otherwise, there’s a strong chance you could do what I did and end up clothesless and cold.
