Why Is Everyone Carrying Ludicrously Tiny Handbags, Why Do You Want To Hurt Us

Folks, I have a bone to pick. It is a large, fashion bone. It is with Kendall Jenner, and her extremely tiny, ludicrously useless handbag.

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Honestly. Surely none of you look at that stupid thing and think “ooh, I want one”. Do you? If so, are you OK? Is everything going well for you? Are you being forced to say that by someone in the fashion industry who is currently holding all your most precious belongings over a fire?

What in the actual shit is the point of these? What can you possibly fit in there?

Look at Kim here. YOU COULD SURELY ONLY PUT ONE SINGLE TAMPON IN THAT BAG. That is all they are good for. “What’s that?” Oh it’s just my tiny bag for my lone tampon.

I just… why must we do this. Surely everyone is just pretending they like these. Look at Rihanna, she surely hates it. Some stylist gave her that bag and she’s like “Fkn FINE only bc I’ll get $500,000 for carrying it”.

They offend me more than those 2005 baguette bags Paris & Co used to flounce around with.

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Like I would rather baguette bags come back into fashion. At least you could swing those round your shoulder for maximum boogie time on the d-floor, right?

What can you do with a tiny handbag? Gently clock someone who touches your ass over the head with minimum impact? Use it as a drink holder?

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I know, I know – you’re going to say “they’re the same size as a clutch”. But for some reason I can accept a clutch? Because it’s just BEING a clutch? Whereas these look like actual designer handbags that someone put in the microwave and they shrunk into tiny versions of themselves?

Anyway. I’m not going to stop you from living your best miniscule handbag life, if you must do that. I’ll hate it, but I’ll allow it. I found a few for you, if you want in.

Everyone loves these Simon Miller ones, this Elizabeth and James one is pushing it, but may pass as a normal bag, and while I love the vibe of this Cult Gaia bag, it’s ridiculous, let’s be honest.

But as always, you do you.

Hey, I love country music and while I’ll take people shitting on Carrie Underwood (you’re dumb bc ‘Before He Cheats’ is a fucking break up anthem, but ok) I’m still gonna listen to it.

So go forth with your outrageously tiny handbags, you batshit legends.