This Is What Our Athletes Will Be Wearing At The Sochi Winter Olympics

In a succession of words slightly less offensive than ‘Junkie Actor Dad‘, the Daily Telegraph have described the Australian Winter Olympics team uniforms as featuring both a “zany zig-zag pattern” with “a 1970s icy style twist” and an “urban mountain resort feel”. 

‘Urban’ tho :/

Modelled very casually and with varying degrees of aplomb by (L-R) Phil Bellingham, Hannah Trigger, Deanna Lockett, Ester Bottomley and Pierre Boda at an unveiling photo call staged in Sochi overnight, the uniforms are a tasteful departure from the norm rendered in a très chic palette and cut in extremely flattering silhouettes.

Kidding. These are Winter OIympic uniforms whose sole purview is to keep our finest frozen athletes alive amid the threat of extremely unforgiving climes and abhorrent violations of human rights that otherwise might threaten to overwhelm them. They’re actually not too bad though; Sportscraft accessories, Blundstone boots; the warm, familiar embrace of kitsch kindling the fire to win at all costs, lest they bring shame down upon our notoriously winter adept nation. They’re here to work, not werk, after all. 

The Sochi Opening Ceremony Runway begins early on Saturday.

Photo: Quinn Rooney via Getty