This Random Billionaire Heir Designs The Worst Shirts On The Planet

Look, if you’re the heir to a multi-billion dollar chemical manufacturing fortune which has previously been deployed as shadow money for right-wing insurrection, probably the most harmless thing you can do with it is make a bunch of insanely shitty shirts.

And that is precisely what billionaire scion Wyatt Koch is doing! He’s one of the heirs to the Koch family fortune, but rather than focusing on trying to murder America’s poor like David and Charles Koch, he’s investing his energy into incredibly loud button-down shirts which are utterly inappropriate for literally any occasion you could name.

These are the shirts you might wear to a very specifically-themed 60th for which the guestlist has been selected exclusively according to Homer Simpson‘s famous dictum: “fat guys who like to party”. I could describe them further, or you could watch this appalling Instagram video Koch made to flog the shirts in question:

There are multitude of shameful fabrics on display in this video, none of which should ever swathe the human body in any form. There’s even one which is just a print of bags of money, which should honestly be enough to spur a communist revolution.

“I want my shirts to be able to worn in the boardroom or in the discoteca or a nightclub — or on a yacht,” Koch said completely seriously. Yes, he said ‘discoteca’. If you wore one of these shirts to the boardroom you would be fired, and they would be right to do it.

I also draw your attention to the most important frame of the above video: Koch’s sketch of a shirt.

We rest our case.