It’s finally here. The apex of the lengthy award season, The Oscars. Will our Hugh upset Daniel Day Lewis to take the Best Actor Academy Award he so deserves for generally being a top bloke plus losing 10 kilos in water weight, live singing, and giving the full gamut of facial expressions in Les Miserables? Will Argo win Best Picture, thereby providing the most handsome non-acting award winners (producers Ben Affleck and George Clooney) since Affleck and Matt Damon won for their Good Will Hunting screenplay? Is the tribute to movie musicals going to be the best or the worst staged event in Oscar history?
The answers will be revealed as the night progresses (that’s evening US time), but the stars have arrived so let’s take a look at who triumphed on the red carpet…
Les Miserables star Amanda Seyfried is in a gold-embroidered mauve Alexander McQueen halterneck gown. Or is it lilac? Or lavender? When did ‘pale purple’ get its own colour spectrum? This isn’t knocking my socks off but the dress fits well and she looks elegant. NEXT!
You know what? I think Best Supporting Actress nominee Sally Field looks fantastic in her sheer red Armani. She’s usually opts for navy blue or black so it’s great to see her change it up with colour for Oscars night.
Best Actress frontrunner Jennifer Lawrence is in Christian Dior Haute Couture, and while it’s cool to go super formal and choose a major ballgown, this just doesn’t feel like a ‘moment’ to me. The shiny oyster tone isn’t exciting and Jennifer wore a similar strapless voluminous Dior dress at the Golden Globes. I do love her though. When Ryan Seacrest did his usual schtick on the red carpet she told him she’s most excited for the food.
Channing Tatum has the same bad crewcut he sported in the movie Dear John, an intriguing movie based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks in which his dad (played by Richard Jenkins) has an undiagnosed case of autism manifested through an obsession with making lasagne. Go rent it out. Here he is with his pregnant wife, actress Jenna Dewan, looking so proud I am almost welling up. Can’t you just imagine him shining those shoes until he can see his reflection and thinking to himself, “damn, I’m going to the Oscars with my pregnant wife… does it get any better than this?” I can.
Unnecessary Channing Tatum gif:
Django Unchained actress Kerry Washington wears strapless Miu Miu with a heavily embellished bodice (this dress is actually much more striking from a different angle). Kerry Washington is so lovely you can forgive the strange grey-to-copper gradient going on with her hair/weave.
Zoe Saldana is spectacular. Her interesting Alexis Mabille gown is a bit TOO interesting though. I mean look what we’re dealing with: the belt buckle plus waist bow plus textured neckline and that bad tiered hem that reminds me of a ruffled ribbon pin used for political campaigns in 1940s USA… A shame.
The fabulous Jacki Weaver is dressed like an evil mermaid from the Red Team but looks tremendous from the bust up. She was walking the red carpet with her Silver Linings Playbook costar Chris Tucker who said of Jacki, “she’s just the best. I’m telling the truth.” It’s unanimous.
Fan BingBing was the first arrival to really make a ‘statement’ on the red carpet today in an immense magenta Marchesa gown. Even though typically this kind of high volume look is too much, I love that she really went for it colour-wise and combined it with, what appears to be, a slightly poked out tongue. Cheeky.
Do my eyes deceive me or does Eddie Redmayne have his trousers tucked into black velvet slippers…
I love Jessica Chastain. She is fabulous, so classically glamourous and always looks great. I have the feeling her sparkly Armani gown looks a lot more impressive in real life than it does in photos but I can’t help but be disappointed she didn’t create a real ‘moment’ tonight. Her hair and makeup is flawless and it’s a great dress on her… I just wanted something a little more early Cate Blanchett to happen tonight.
Seriously, who invited Kelly Rowland? I mean it.
It’s Brandi from The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. I haven’t seen this level of disregard to nipple exposure since browsing my boyfriend’s tumblr feed.
Jason Schwartzman. A perfect tiny human being in a navy suit. Next.
Olivia Munn is in a Baroque-inspired Marchesa gown fresh off the Fall runways. I love Olivia Munn but I don’t love this look. It looks like the designer was like “uh oh. We’ve got a bunch of extra fabric hanging out the back… Let’s just make it look like a scooping taffeta bum sling.”
Bum sling:
Joseph Gordon-Levitt looks adorable even though the jacket looks suspiciously stiff… as though it’s covered in a really dark grey acrylic paint? Like those ‘hip’ hand-painted jeans that were a thing in the early 2000s.
Wow Jane Fonda. This would be fabulous beyond compare if she was Joan Collins bitch slapping someone on Dynasty (in 1987).
Helena Bonham Carter is exhausted! Do you know how hard it is to line an outfit with toilet paper?
In a red carpet interview Anne Hathaway described her pale pink silk Prada column as “business in the front, party at the back”, which is spot on if by “business” she meant “boring” and by “party” she meant “flappy terrible bow and ugly crisscross straps with weird reverse necklace feature”. The weird reverse necklace is from Tiffany’s. Wow this is a bad choice. From the pointy nipple arrows, random seam under the waist and the colour which reminds me of the ribbon tied around the floral centrepiece at my Year 12 formal.
NO.
For some reason Jennifer Aniston is at The Oscars and she’s wearing a vermillion taffeta Valentino gown. Good colour, but style-wise the dress is kind of a bore and the approach to her hairdo was quite clearly: I have already had one iconic hairstyle so I never have to try again. Don’t get me wrong, I think she looks good, and frankly she’s lucky to be there at all (have you even seen Wanderlust?)
… Then Adele (dressed in jet embellished Burberry) gave Jennifer the shaka sign! Hang loose, innit.
And now for Astonishing Flawlessness starring Charlize Theron in Dior Couture and a newly acquired pixie cut.
Her jewels were provided by Harry Winston and her look of absolute serenity is provided by utter self-assurance.
Great gams Naomie Harris! This is how a Bond girl should do the red carpet. She is wearing a Suzy Amis design hand embroidered with vintage glass beads and chocolate bar wrappers. You’ll notice the guy standing behind her is having a good old open mouth stare while his female companion is shoots stink eye.
Catherine Zeta-Jones‘ hyphenated surname has the same initials as the Cubic Zirconia – the cheaper man-made alternative to diamonds. This is an interesting coincidence because Catherine Zeta-Jones is like the Cubic Zirconia of A-List celebrities. She just lacks that intangible aura of genuine star power. She tries her best to sparkle in gold Zuhair Murad.
I’m going to forgive the LUDICROUS hair extensions because Jennifer Hudson looks great in her blue Roberto Cavalli number.
I feel terrible for saying this but Melissa McCarthy looks just like Tracy Turnblad wrapped in carpet.
One of the best looks on the red carpet. Naomi Watts is poised and perfect in Armani Prive.
I can’t really stand Halle Berry because she’s a soft-talker, a terrible actor and has had the same highlighted vertical hairstyle for over a decade, but she is really working this Eighties-inspired Versace gown. I actually love the power shoulder and the cleavage and vertical stripes. Not bad.
Nicole Kidman is wearing a sequin-covered L’Wren Scott dress chosen by her husband Keith Urban. I’m torn here… On one hand, good job for choosing something figure-hugging and glam, but on the other hand, did she not see those stupid gold snail shells all over the hem? Don’t let a dude with chemically straightened streaks choose your Oscars gown.
… although you’ve got to admit Keith and Nicole are adorable together…
And so are Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner...
… And Daniel Day Lewis and his elegant pseudo-Rachel-Griffiths-lookalike wife.
OMG AND THESE TWO:
Ugh. Stop trying to make bombshell happen, Kristen Stewart. She makes an awkward attempt at sexy in a really uninspiring beige Reem Acra dress.
… and for some reason is on crutches. LOL.
Photos by Frazer Harrison, Kevork Djansezian, Jason Merritt and Michael Buckner for Getty Images.
